Month: June 2019

Stop Asking Kids This Unnecessary Question

Posted on by Wendy Kennar

Do you remember what you said when people used to ask you, “What do you want to be when you grow up?”

For many years of my childhood, I always answered the same way.

“Astronaut.”

Now, people (friends, neighbors, grocery store clerks) ask my eleven-year-old son.  

Sometimes Ryan’s answer resembles a long list of dream jobs.  He rattles them off, one after the other.  “Doctor.  Firefighter.  Astronaut.  Basketball Player.  Singer.”

Other times, Ryan narrows it down to one career.  “Professional singer” or “NBA Player.”

I’m in the middle of Michelle Obama’s riveting memoir Becoming.  A friend of mine gifted it to me at Christmas, but I have put off reading it.  I savored the idea of the book.  I wanted to prolong the joy and inspiration I felt certain this book would bring.

And I was right.

Because from the get-go, the first page of the preface in fact, Michelle Obama nailed it.  

“Now I think it’s one of the most useless questions an adult can ask a child – What do you want to be when you grow up?  As if growing up is finite.  As if at some point you become something and that’s the end.”

Every chance I get, I remind Ryan that he doesn’t have to choose one career. 

I remind him that former President Obama was also a lawyer and a Grammy-winning author. 

I remind him that former First Lady Michelle Obama held many roles.  In her words:  “I’ve been a lawyer.  I’ve been a vice president at a hospital and the director of a nonprofit that helps young people build meaningful careers.  I’ve been a working-class black student at a fancy mostly white college.”

During high school, I got tired of the question.  When asked what I wanted to be, I simply answered, “Happy.”  And I enjoyed a twelve-year teaching career.

Whatever path Ryan chooses, whatever bends or forks in the road that he must navigate, I hope he adds “happy” to the list of all he’ll become.

 

Just For Fun:

And because I love Michelle Obama, think she’s a fantastic role model and a fun lady, let me share three of our favorite YouTube videos featuring Michelle Obama and Jimmy Fallon in case you haven’t seen them.  And even if you have seen them, they’re always fun to watch again.  

In this video, Jimmy Fallon and Michelle Obama demonstrate the “evolution of mom dancing.”

This is part 2 of the “evolution of mom dancing.”

And this one, from December 2018, features Michelle Obama and Jimmy Fallon surprising visitors in 30 Rock elevators.

 

Our Family’s Version of Summer Brain Drain

Posted on by Wendy Kennar

Have you heard of “summer brain drain?”  

It’s a catch-all phrase representing the lack of learning that happens during summer vacation.  The time when children aren’t actively engaged, aren’t learning, aren’t practicing what they’ve already learned, and aren’t reading.

I’m proud to say it’s not an issue in our house.  

And don’t think that means I’m bragging. 

And please don’t think that means I have my eleven-year-old son sitting down, completing worksheets and practice books. 

Because I don’t.

It’s just that in our house, there is always some sort of learning or practicing going on.  My son is, thankfully, an enthusiastic reader.

I like to think it’s because my husband and I read Goodnight Moon to him each night as soon as I found out I was pregnant.  I like to think it’s because my son is growing up knowing books are valuable and special and important.  Ryan receives a book on each birthday, at the start of each school year, and scattered throughout the year for different occasions and holidays.

The hard part for us is tracking his summer reading time.  Ryan is participating in the Barnes and Noble Summer Reading Program which requires him to document eight books he’s read.  No problem.

The summer reading program through the public library is a different matter.  That one requires Ryan to track the number of hours he reads.  And that’s the tricky part for us.  I can easily count the minutes we read at bedtime each night.  (This week, it’s a family-favorite:  Because of Winn-Dixie.) 

But it’s because reading is such an integrated part of our family that it’s all the other moments that are harder to keep track of.  

I came downstairs the other day to find Ryan quietly sitting on the couch, reading CD liner notes.  A few days ago, we browsed in our local book store, picking up random books, reading the back covers and the first few pages of books that caught our interest.  Sunday mornings, Ryan scans the sports page looking for news about his favorite basketball team.  

It all counts as reading.  It’s just hard to count.

In an effort not to drain my brain this summer, we’ll just make an estimate.

 

 

 

Announcing: The 20 Wishes Idea

Posted on by Wendy Kennar

Twenty Wishes book (photo by Paul Kennar)

Do you ever feel stuck?  Like each day sort of just creeps into the next.

Do you ever feel lost?  Like you’re not quite sure what you’re doing or why you’re doing it. 

Do you ever feel like you’re in search of a spark?  Like there’s something out there, waiting for you, and if you could find it your whole life would experience a domino-effect of positive consequences.

I do.  Sometimes.  Sometimes it’s because I’m 43 years old, and my body feels much older and weaker than my chronological age.  Sometimes it’s because I miss my teaching career.  

Which is why I enjoyed the last fiction book I read, Debbie Macomber’s Twenty Wishes.  

The title is based on the premise of the novel.  A group of women each decide to create a list – “an inventory of wishes.”  Not practical to-do items, but “twenty dreams written down.”  Each woman had a different list of “wishes and hopes for the future.”  One character wanted to learn to belly dance.  Another character bought herself a convertible.  Still another desired a pair of red cowboy boots.

While reading about these women and their wishes, I thought about what would be on my list of wishes.

– Visit my pen pal, Aya, in Japan.

– Travel to Paris with my husband and son.

– Drive a convertible – with the top down.

– Go for a gondola ride in Venice, Italy.

– Explore the Kennedy Space Center in Florida.

– Sightsee in New York including stops at the Statue of Liberty and Empire State Building.

 

Writing my own list is more difficult than I thought it would be.  As one character so aptly stated, “Sometimes I think we’re afraid to admit we want certain things.  Especially things that contradict the image we have of ourselves.”  

I’m still working on my list.  Most of my items have to do with travel, and it’s not so easy for me to just pack up and go.  So I need to work on creating a list that also includes items that are more easily achieved here in Los Angeles (and not as expensive as traveling to Japan). 

Meanwhile, those are mine.  Readers, I’d love to read your wishes.  Feel free to share in the comments section.  

 

 

Here’s Why Invisibility Isn’t Always a Super Power 

Posted on by Wendy Kennar
My son and I playing handball. Disabilities don’t all look the same.

Close your eyes for a moment and picture a disabled person.  Keep that image in mind.  

What does she look like?  

How does she behave?  

What can she do?  

What can’t she do?  

What does she need help with?

 

Now, tell me if these descriptions match the picture in your imagination:

A woman and her son ride their bikes in their neighborhood.

A woman spends 30 minutes in her garden, weeding, pruning her bougainvillea vine, re-arranging large pots, and then sweeping up the mess she made on the sidewalk.

A woman goes for a leisurely walk in her neighborhood, bending over to smell a light pink rose, stopping to admire a butterfly that is perched on a leaf.

A woman sees her ninety-year-old neighbor arrive home in an Uber.  Her neighbor struggles to hang the grocery bags from her walker.  The woman goes across the street, and carries the bags for her neighbor, helps her neighbor into her house, and brings each bag into her neighbor’s kitchen.

 

What if I told you the woman above was me.  And what if I told you that according to the state of California, I am also a disabled woman.  Do my actions match the mental image you had?

Probably not.  Most people have a very limited idea of what a disabled person looks like.  I know I used to.

Which brings me to my newest essay.  Last week, The Mighty published my personal essay “Why ‘Invisibility’ Is Not a Superpower When It Comes to Illness.”  You can click here to read it. 

And remember, just because you can’t see someone’s pain, doesn’t mean they aren’t hurting.