Month: May 2022

The Book of Hope

Posted on by Wendy Kennar

How do you explain “hope”?

In The Book of Hope by Jane Goodall and Douglas Abrams with Gail Hudson, Dr. Goodall describes hope as “what enables us to keep going in the face of adversity. It is what we desire to happen, but we must be prepared to work hard to make it so.”

This book was written during the pandemic, a time when it sometimes felt like all we could do was hope; hope to stay healthy, hope to stay safe, hope for a vaccine. 

This is a powerful book with a powerful message, and this week I’m sharing some of my favorite passages.

“You won’t be active unless you hope that your action is going to do some good. So you need hope to get you going, but then by taking action, you generate more hope. It’s a circular thing.”

From Douglas Abrams, “I was surprised to learn that hope is quite different from wishing or fantasizing. Hope leads to future success in a way that wishful thinking does not. While both involve thinking about the future with rich imagery, only hope sparks us to take action directed toward the hoped-for goal.”

“The trouble is that not enough people are taking action,” Douglas Abrams said. “You say more people are aware of the problems we face — so why aren’t more trying to do something about it?”

“It’s mostly because people are so overwhelmed by the magnitude of our folly that they feel helpless,” Jane Goodall replied. “They sink into apathy and despair, lose hope, and so do nothing. We must find ways to help people understand that each one of us has a role to play, no matter how small. Every day we make some impact on the planet. And the cumulative effect of millions of small ethical actions will truly make a difference. That’s the message I take around the world.”

“Jane’s stories affirmed that when we feel we can make a difference, and we’re given the means to do so, positive outcomes can happen that in turn allow hope to prevail. It was a powerful example of what the research had found contributes to hope: clear and inspiring goals, realistic ways to realize those goals, a belief that one can achieve those goals, and the social support to continue in the face of adversity.”

“From talking with Jane and doing my own research, I was starting to see that hope is an innate survival trait that seems to exist in every child’s head and heart; but even so, it needs to be encouraged and cultivated. If it is, hope can take root, even in the grimmest of situations…” from Mr. Abrams.

“Well, I always knew I had a gift for writing,” Jane added. “From an early age I was writing — stories, essays, poems. But I never thought I had a gift for speaking. It wasn’t until I was forced to make that first speech, and found that people were listening, and heard their applause at the end, that I realized I must have done okay. I think many people have gifts that they don’t know about because nothing forces them to use them.”

“That when the trials of life come, you’ll be given the strength to cope with them, day by day. So often I’ve thought at the start of a dreaded day — having to defend my Ph.D. thesis, giving a talk to an intimidating audience, or even just going to the dentist! — ‘Well, of course, I shall get through this because I have to. I will find the strength. And, anyway, by this time tomorrow it will be over’.”

Readers – I wrote this blog post before the horrific school shooting in Texas. I wrote this blog and now am re-reading it with a broken heart. Hope — it’s more than just wanting things to change. I hope my son will grow up reading about gun violence in history books, as something that used to happen, not reading about it in the newspaper because gun violence remains a current event. Hope involves action. For me, now, that takes the form of voting. Continuing to Vote in Every Single Election. And I hope my readers feel the same way.

Words Have Power

Posted on by Wendy Kennar

Words are powerful. What you say, and how you say it, have lingering effects. And I’m not just talking about words spoken to someone else. Also included in this list are the words we speak out loud to ourselves (I’m not the only one who talks to herself, am I?) and the words we think to ourselves. 

We know this. 

But sometimes, something happens that serves as a flashing-light reminder of just how true that is.

Last week, I had two such incidents.

My neighbor and I were chatting and catching up. She’s almost forty years older than me and was talking about some new pain she’s experiencing in her lower back/side area. Thankfully, all x-rays came back fine, no problems identified. She found herself in a situation that I know all too well. Tests are negative, big problems ruled out, but still no answers about what’s causing the pain and no clear direction given on how to alleviate the pain. 

“I tell you, living with chronic pain is no fun,” she said. 

I know.

“I don’t know how you do it,” she said.

I bit my tongue.

She went on a bit, describing the discomfort, and again said, “I really don’t know how you do it.”

I looked at her and said, “I don’t have a choice.”

I do it, I live with chronic pain, because I have to. Because there is no alternative.

And though not her intention at all, and though I’m not fully sure why, her words got under my skin and bothered me. 

The second conversation occurred the next day, during a telehealth appointment with my rheumatologist. Near the end of our conversation, I asked her about a trip my family and I are thinking of taking. 

“We’re thinking about going to Hawaii,” I said. “But I haven’t flown since before my son was born, and he’s 14. I haven’t flown since I have this condition. And I’m worried, because of the blood clot I had after my biopsy.”

(In case you missed it, I had a second biopsy in September 2020. A “routine” procedure that was supposed to provide some answers to my rheumatology team. No answers, and I developed a “very rare” blood clot in my left calf. You can read about it here.)

She answered my questions, told me some things I could do before, during, and after flying. And then she said something that has been on repeat in my head since she said it.

“Oh, go, you need to have some fun.”

And that advice, given with a smile through a screen, was encouragement and validation I hadn’t realized I needed. 

In the Words of Michelle Obama

Posted on by Wendy Kennar

Michelle Obama: Quotes to Live By was a gift to myself. It’s a small book, containing a collection of over 170 quotations.

And my copy is full of sticky notes. 

Here are some of the quotations that stood out to me:

“Every single child has boundless promise, no matter who they are, where they come from, or how much money their parents have. We’ve got to remember that.”
– National Arts and Humanities
Youth Program Awards, November 2016

“I never cut class. I loved getting As. I liked being smart. I liked being on time. I thought being smart is cooler than anything in the world.”
– Elizabeth Garrett Anderson School, London, April 2009

“We can’t afford not to educate girls and give women the power and the access that they need.”
– Mulberry School for Girls Skype conversation, June 2015

“Women in particular need to keep an eye on their physical and mental health because … we don’t have a lot of time to take care of ourselves. We need to do a better job of putting ourselves higher on our own to-do list.”
– Real Health magazine interview, November 2007

“You can’t make decisions based on fear and the possibility of what might happen.”
– 60 Minutes interview, February 2007

“You don’t come up with the right answer if everyone at the table looks the same and thinks the same and has the same experience.”
– White House screening of Hidden Figures, December 2016

“In those darkest moments, you will have a choice: do you dwell on everything you’ve lost, or do you focus on what you still have and find a way to move forward with passion, with determination, and with joy?”
– Oregon State University commencement, June 2012

“What matters are the true friends you make, the activities you throw yourself into, the books you read, the skills and knowledge you acquire. Those experiences — the ones that make you stronger, smarter, and braver — are what really matter.”
– People Magazine essay, October 2014

Just Haven’t Met You Yet

Posted on by Wendy Kennar

Sometimes I read for information. 

Sometimes I read for inspiration.

Sometimes I read for pure enjoyment.

Just Haven’t Met You Yet by Sophie Cousens is a novel I picked up because I wanted something fun and entertaining.

Sophie Cousens wrote that book. Just Haven’t Met You Yet is the delightful escape I was hoping it would be. But it’s also more than that.

This week, I wanted to share some of the passages that really moved me.

“Ted looks thoughtful for a moment, then he says, ‘Someone told me that growing up feeling loved allows you to go on to love other people. Maybe love is simply a huge chain letter, passed down through the generations. The details of the stories begin not to matter’.”

“ ‘She was a part of me,’ he says softly, the pain palpable in his voice. ‘When you are with someone for a long time, you grow into each other, like adjoining trees with tangled roots. It’s hard to extricate yourself and find the part that’s left — who you were before’.”

“ ‘This is not something that gets better,’ Gerry says with a calm smile. ‘So, if I can’t look back, and I can’t look forward, I’m forced to live here, right now. Today I can sit around a campfire and talk to my friends. Today I can watch the sunset, even if the outline is getting hazy. Today I have made a new friend and I’m enjoying her company and her vibrant conversation.’ He makes a single, slow nod in my direction. ‘The Roman poet Horace said Don’t hope or fear, but seize today, you must! And in tomorrow put complete mistrust.’ All any of us have is today’.”

“People like to fill in the gaps, to paint their own picture, but no one really knows the truth of someone else’s story.”

“I have no illusions about happily ever afters — I know life will bring its challenges and nothing is forever — but I hope we might be happy today, and for as many todays as we are lucky enough to have.”