Month: October 2023

Kissing Kosher

Posted on by Wendy Kennar

Here’s what you should know about Kissing Kosher by Jean Meltzer.

It’s a rom-com. A delightful rom-com.

But even more than that — the protagonist, Avital Cohen, happens to be a Jewish woman who lives with a chronic illness and chronic pain. And for that I applaud Ms. Meltzer. (I have written about Ms. Meltzer’s first two books in previous blog posts, which you can read here and here.)

While the rom-com was fun to read and provided me with a fantastic escape from real life, it was the very real, very relatable aspects of Avital’s chronic illness that I most resonated with. 

Here are just a few of the passages I marked with sticky notes:

“She got used to disappearing into the ceiling while doctors poked and prodded. That was the funny thing about chronic pain. It didn’t disconnect her from her body. Instead, it made every single second of her life about her body. She couldn’t escape the never-ending reminders of her pain if she tried.”

“Like many folks dealing with the onset of chronic illness, she had hope — this great and unfettered optimism — that she would one day wake up normal again if she could just find the right treatment.
“There was no cure. While some of the treatments helped, nothing completely eradicated the constant ache she lived with. There were bad days and better days, but rarely did she experience pain-free days.
“Despite all her best efforts to win the war against her own failing body — despite the fact that she was trying not to make her disease her identity — she kept getting worse. Some nights, the fear that accompanied the realization that nothing she did was working was more awful than the pain itself.”

“People always say, Don’t make your disease your identity. And you know what, Josh? I hate that statement. I think it’s the most ableist thing I’ve ever heard. The very definition of chronic is that it’s every day. It’s something I will have to negotiate, and manage, for the rest of my life. It touches everything.”

“But mainly, the most important thing I’ve realized is that if I’m going to be in pain the rest of my life, then it’s even more important that I hold on to my joy. I need to create the life that makes me happy. So that when the bad days come, because they will keep coming, Josh … they don’t hurt me as much.”

Please note: I am including a link to buy the book that I’m highlighting this week. If you use my link, I do make a small commission on your purchase at no additional cost to you. I am working with Bookshop.org which also sends a portion of the profit to support local, independent bookstores.

Everyone Has a Story

Posted on by Wendy Kennar

I am currently reading Words to Live By: 50 Inspiring Quotes by 50 Inspiring Women illustrated by Jade Purple Brown.

I bought this book back in July, on our last day in Washington, D.C. We had spent the morning exploring the National Portrait Gallery, and I found this book in the gift shop. (Truth be told, several books in the gift shop caught my eye. But I had to consider our limited luggage space.) 

I just started reading the book this past week. A few pages a day. Thought-provoking quotations accompanied by vibrant illustrations.  

This week I’d like to share a quote attributed to Frances Hodgson Burnett:

“Everything’s a story —

You are a story —

I am a story.”

I believe that everyone has a story to tell. It’s one of the reasons I read memoir. And it’s one of the reasons I’m writing a memoir. I can no longer teach in a classroom, but hopefully, I can continue to teach through my writing.

Question, dear readers:  Have you read any memoirs lately? Any recommendations?  

Please note: I am including a link to buy the book that I’m highlighting this week. If you use my link, I do make a small commission on your purchase at no additional cost to you. I am working with Bookshop.org which also sends a portion of the profit to support local, independent bookstores.

Trying to Figure Out This Spoonie Life

Posted on by Wendy Kennar

Lately, I have been thinking a lot about the term “spoonie.” 

The term “spoonie” comes from the Spoon Theory, both of which are familiar terms if you’re a member of the chronic illness community. Basically, the Spoon Theory is an analogy used to describe the amount of physical and mental energy a person has available each day. The theory was developed by Christine Miserandino. While out to lunch with a friend, Ms. Miserandino used the spoons on the table to explain to her friend what it’s like to live with a chronic illness, in her case lupus. Each spoon represents a finite amount of energy. Each day you may wake up with a different amount of spoons, yet there are still certain tasks that are expected to be completed on a regular basis — showering, getting dressed, preparing a meal. While a healthy person may begin the day with an unlimited amount of spoons and uses only one spoon at a time for the most basic tasks of the day, a spoonie may start the day with only five total spoons and has to make decisions about which tasks absolutely must be completed that day and which tasks can be skipped. Because when the spoons are gone, so too, is a person’s energy to do anything else. 

For a long time, I didn’t consider myself a spoonie simply because I didn’t have the option of paying attention to my lack of spoons. My son still needed to be picked up from school, library books needed to be returned, dinner needed to be prepared. 

Though I have spent more than a decade as a chronic illness patient, I still haven’t figured out when to push through and do something despite my pain and fatigue and when to pay attention to my body and acknowledge I just can’t do something.

It’s not easy navigating this life. Thankfully, I have help.  

Last week, I had a Zoom conversation with Sandra Postma, a Book and Spoonie Coach, offering “guidance for writers with a chronic or mental illness or disability.” This was our second session, and as with my first session, I left this session thinking about a couple of re-framing statements Sandra shared with me. 

This week, I’d like to share two of Sandra’s brilliant statements with you:

“I am not a burden, my illness is.”

“Alongside my illness I am ..”

I’m thinking a lot about these statements. Thinking about how I can use these statements to help me be more kind and gentle with myself. 

Maybe they will help you, too. 

(Just so you know – Sandra knows I’m sharing this information and has given her consent for this blog. You can learn more about Sandra and the work she does on her website.)

The Book of Delights

Posted on by Wendy Kennar

While I read The Book of Delights by Ross Gay, it occurred to me that I don’t often use the word “delight.” It seems unfortunate, especially since I am delighted on a regular basis — a tight hug from my son, a smile and a hand squeeze from my husband, the flickering candlelight creating shadows that dance on the walls, a hummingbird drinking from our bottlebrush tree right outside our dining room window.

From the beginning of the book’s preface:

“One day last July, feeling delighted and compelled to both wonder about and share that delight, I decided that it might feel nice, even useful, to write a daily essay about something delightful. I remember laughing to myself for how obvious it was. I could call it something like The Book of Delights.”

From the end of the book’s preface:

“It didn’t take me long to learn that the discipline or practice of writing these essays occasioned a kind of delight radar. Or maybe it was more like the development of a delight muscle. Something that implies that the more you study delight, the more delight there is to study.”

Here are just a few of the book’s delights I would like to share with you:

“…So today I’m recalling the utility, the need, of my own essayettes to emerge from such dailiness, and in that way to be a practice of witnessing one’s delight, of being in and with one’s delight, daily, which actually requires vigilance. It also requires faith that delight will be with you daily, that you needn’t hoard it. No scarcity of delight.”

“… when I saw the announcement on the church’s marquee (somehow I think marquee is the wrong word) FORBIDDEN FRUIT CREATES MANY JAMS, I did not for even half a second consider jam meaning problem, jam meaning blockage, jam meaning trouble (nor did I immediately consider jam meaning party or celebration). I thought they were having a jam sale fundraiser. Which, in retrospect, I’ve never seen, though it’s a good idea.”

“Books are lovely. I love books. And libraries are among my favorite places on Earth, especially the tiny hand-built take-one-leave-ones like book birdhouses popping up in the last five or ten years. That’s a delight.”

My dear readers, what delights have you recently experienced or witnessed? Please share!

Please note: I am including a link to buy the book that I’m highlighting this week. If you use my link, I do make a small commission on your purchase at no additional cost to you. I am working with Bookshop.org which also sends a portion of the profit to support local, independent bookstores.