Before I became ill, I saw my primary care physician once a year for an annual check-up. Illness, especially long-term illness, seemed like a vague idea way out into the future, nothing I needed to worry about in my early thirties. 

Except that’s not the way it works. 

And by it I mean life, the future, my body. 

Since becoming ill with a chronic illness, it really does feel like there is always something — some lab result that seems a bit off and needs further testing, some symptom that isn’t easily explained and requires a meeting with a specialist, some worrisome finding that requires additional scans. 

So last week, when I texted one of my closest friends and told her about my health scare and upcoming appointment, her reply was spot-on.

“It never stops.” (She also texted me loving, supportive words, too.)

The waiting, the worry. The appointment, the apprehension. 

All of it — it never stops.

Last week’s appointment was one of the scariest I have experienced. Questions to answer, and three different sets of pictures and scans. And lots of waiting. I sat there, terrified, in my pink gown and tried to distract myself with a Christmas-themed novel (The Christmas Bookshop by Jenny Colgan). But the longer I was there (almost three hours), the more convinced I became that bad news was imminent. 

Except I got lucky. 

Very lucky. 

When the nurse came and told me it was all okay, I asked her to repeat herself, because I was afraid I had misheard. 

Why me? Why did I get an all-clear, while I’m sure other women that day heard different news? 

I don’t know.

Except it makes me think of something I read quite a while ago, something I have written about before. When it comes to chronic illness, there’s no point in asking Why me? Everyone is dealing with something, whether we can see it or not. The question really should be why not me?

So, why did I get really, really lucky last week? Why me?

Why not me?

Please note: I am including a link to buy the book that I’m highlighting this week. If you use my link, I do make a small commission on your purchase at no additional cost to you. I am working with Bookshop.org which also sends a portion of the profit to support local, independent bookstores.