In early June, a week or so before we left Los Angeles for Honolulu, I spoke to my therapist about how self-conscious I felt about my 49-year-old body and how it looks in a bathing suit. 

“I’ve gained weight, and I don’t know if it’s because of the Prednisone or menopause, or both,” I said. 

“My bathing suit bottom doesn’t fit.”

“I need to buy new shirts.”

And on it went like that.

And, my therapist, being the kind, thoughtful, smart person that she is, said something so incredibly spot-on that it’s now become an internal mantra. 

“You are who you are,” she said.

When she said it, I knew it was a great phrase. But I didn’t realize during our Zoom session the impact of those five little words and how often those words would play on a repeating loop in my head. I relied on those words not just when we were in Oahu, and I looked at my bathing-suit-wearing-self in the bathroom mirror. 

Back home, I find those words to be a comfort, something I can carry with me and have available any time, and every time, I need it. 

Sometimes I softly repeat the words, I am who I am.

Other times I silently mouth the words, watching myself in the mirror. I am who I am.

On the one hand, it’s a super simple piece of advice, and yet it felt like something brand new, something I had never thought of before. Wise words I had been gifted. 

I am who I am.

Why waste my limited time and energy thinking negatively about how I look? Or how I don’t look? 

If a magic wand did exist, if I could swirl it around and abracadabra change my weight or the way my body looked, I wouldn’t use it.

The truth is I would much rather use that magic wand to alleviate my pain. Living with an invisible disability has taught me that I am so much more than my chronic illness. Likewise, I am so much more than numbers on a scale.

I am who I am. 

Dear Readers, do you have a mantra or phrase you use to help overcome difficult situations and/or help you get through a rough patch? If you’re comfortable doing so, please share in the comments.