Month: September 2025

The Last Time

Posted on by Wendy Kennar
My son helped me out by editing this photo. For privacy reasons, the teacher's name has been blurred.

Somewhere, I once read about a sneaky fact of parenting; the one you didn’t realize happened, until after it happened — the phenomenon known as “The Last Time.”

For instance, the last time I held my son’s hand as we crossed the street.

Or, the last time I helped my son wiggle his feet into his socks and shoes. 

Just a few days ago, there was a last time. Though this “last time” was different because I knew it was coming. More than that, I looked forward to it. 

Last Thursday evening was the last time I will attend a Back-to-School Night. 

As a former teacher and parent, I always appreciated a parent’s attendance at school functions. At the same time, I completely understand why parents can’t always attend these important school events. (In fact, when I was teaching, if a parent missed Back-to-School Night and/or Open House, I always saved any handouts I distributed that evening, and the following day I sent them home with the student whose parents weren’t in attendance.)

So even though my son is a senior and is a strong student and there were no concerns we needed to discuss with his teachers, last Thursday evening, my husband and I attended Back-to-School Night and met seven of my son’s eight teachers. (One was absent.) We briefly chatted with each teacher and thanked them for all they do. In many instances, we were the only parents in the room. 

But oh-my-goodness I am so relieved I won’t have to do that again. Because at my son’s high school, parents follow a very strict schedule during Back-to-School Night. We spend ten minutes in each classroom and have only five minutes to get from one classroom to another. 

This means we went to our son’s first period class for ten minutes (4:00 pm – 4:10 pm) and then had only five minutes to get to my son’s second period class — located on the second floor in a different building. Now, I know I’m not going to get penalized for not being in class before the bell rings. (And yes, bells ring throughout Back-to-School Night.) But I consider it a courtesy and obligation for me to try, as hard as I can, not to be late. (You can imagine our frustration when we made it to our son’s second period class, a minute late, and found a note on the door stating the teacher’s absence.)

Which is a long-winded way of saying our son’s high school operates on an ableist mentality when it comes to Back-to-School Night. Parents are expected to be physically able to navigate the stairs, both inside and outside the buildings. 

For those who don’t know, school elevators are not easily accessible. You don’t just push the up button like you do in an office building. School elevators require a key to operate, which means you have to get in touch with a school staff member who has the key. (Only a select few have the coveted elevator key. I did have an elevator key the last few years of my teaching career.)

Remember, Back-to-School Night operates on a very tight timetable. There is no extra time built in for navigating the elevator situation. Plus, I never wanted to be a distraction, or make more work for anyone else — things I think about, things I know logically aren’t true, but they feel true to me. I wanted Back-to-School Night to be about my son and his experiences in school, not on my weak left leg and my bad knees and my invisible disability. 

Plus, I always feared someone would accuse me of not really needing an elevator. Let’s face it, I don’t look like I “need” an elevator. How best do I explain my invisible-to-others physical limitations?

Now, all that’s behind me. I made it to the finish line — The Last Time I Attended My Son’s Back to School Night. 

Pep Talks

Posted on by Wendy Kennar

I’m at the halfway-ish point of Maggie Smith’s wonderful book, Dear Writer: Pep Talks and Practical Advice For the Creative Life. 

First, I must admit, I love the “Pep Talks” part of the sub-title.

Many books offer “practical advice.” Some include “Tips and tricks.” And still other books may have “Steps and suggestions.” 

But “pep talks”? That’s a new one, at least for me. (And if I’m overlooking another writing craft book offering pep talks, please, friends, let me know.)

And there will definitely be a blog post dedicated to Ms. Smith’s book once I finish reading it.

This week, at the halfway-ish point of the book, I wanted to pause and share some of Ms. Smith’s “pep talks,” because maybe you’re needing them as much as I am. 

Because, let’s be honest, most of the time, us writers aren’t working each day with someone giving us a pat on the back, or a back rub, or even a set of new file folders. (Is it just me that enjoys looking at all the stationery supplies at Dollar Tree?)

We write, not because anyone is necessarily cheerleading us on (though, that is one of the wonderful benefits of working with a Book Coach). We write, day after day, not because anyone will ask us at dinner about the progress we made on the fourth draft of the new personal essay we’re working on. 

We write simply because we have to. We have to get words down on the page — whether those words are fiction or nonfiction. Whether they rhyme or not. Whether a day’s work will stand alone or be a part of a much larger piece. 

But, it’s hard work. And I have found non-writers generally don’t understand just how hard this writing work is. Not physically hard like a landscaper, down on their knees under a fiercely bright sun. And not hard like needing an entire chalkboard to work out one math equation. (Anyone else think of the film Hidden Figures here?) 

But, still, hard. Hard because we don’t always know where the writing is going. The words I got down today may be the same words I delete four days from now in a later draft. And the words I wrote and then spoke out loud to hear the rhythm of the language may be the words some faceless person on the other side of the country will declare “not a good fit for us at this time.”

So, yes, I’ll take a pep talk. Thank you.

And if you’re needing a pep talk, or four, allow me to share some pep talks from Ms. Smith’s Dear Writer:

“Taking care of yourself is taking care of your creativity. Taking care of yourself as a whole human being is taking care of the writer in you.”

“Any piece of writing is a time capsule. It reflects the choices — and the abilities, and the limitations — of the writer we are at the time.”

“Being true to your own vision as a writer or an artist means doing your work, the work that only you can do. Your memories, your point of view, your observations and metaphors — everything about you that you bring to bear when you write — is a combination that no one else has.
“If you don’t write your poems, your stories, your plays and essays and scripts, they won’t exist. No one else can do it for you.”

“Be for you first. Create for you first. Trust your own vision.” 

Please note: I am including a link to buy the book that I’m highlighting this week. If you use my link, I do make a small commission on your purchase at no additional cost to you. I am working with Bookshop.org which also sends a portion of the profit to support local, independent bookstores.

Pain Awareness Month. Again.

Posted on by Wendy Kennar
Oahu, June 2025. This is a photo of a woman in pain.

September is Pain Awareness Month.

I wrote about it last year.

I wrote about it in 2023.

I wrote about it in 2022.

I wrote about it in 2021.

I wrote about it in 2020.

You get the idea. 

Each post shares some variation of the same message:

I live with pain. Every. Single. Day. For fifteen years and counting. 

That’s why it’s called “chronic pain.” It’s long-lasting.

You never know what someone is going through just by looking at them. 

Because during those fifteen years, I have lived. I have made new friends. I have written, and published. I have traveled. I have adventured (horseback riding, hot air ballooning, parasailing – twice, zip lining). I have attended Back to School Nights and Open Houses. I have gone grocery shopping and shoe-shopping for my son. I have attended book launch events and Harlem Globetrotter games. I’ve visited museums and beaches. 

I remember meeting with a neurologist, referred to me by my neurologist-at-the-time. She thought this other doctor could look at my medical records and give us a fresh perspective with another set of eyes. 

Instead, this fresh-set-of-eyes-doctor was condescending and rude and mean. Before leaving the exam room he patted my shoulder and told me my pain really couldn’t be all that bad if I truly did all the things I told him I do each day.

And that, right there, is the purpose of Pain Awareness Month.

Those of us living with chronic pain have figured out how to navigate our days while struggling with pain that doesn’t ever completely go away. We have developed work-arounds and shortcuts when possible. We have learned to bite our tongue or clench our fists or whatever it is we do that helps us push past the limit of what we thought our bodies were capable of. 

Oahu, June 2025. Same day as the picture above. This is also a photo of a woman in pain. Notice my lips. I often do that when in pain.

Which leads me to this — please, be kind and patient and compassionate toward others. That person walking slowly in front of you could be me. Someone who is walking slowly but it’s the best she can do because each step brings a fresh jolt of pain up and down her leg. 

Or maybe it’s someone whose stomach hurts. Or their head. Or their back. Or their feet. Or their shoulder. Or their elbow. 

I could go on, but you get the idea. 

And, one more thing – this year, I wanted to end the post introducing you to an alternative way to talk about pain. Most of us have experience with the (dreaded) pain scale that depicts faces on a 1-10 scale. And if you haven’t had personal experience with this scale (wonderful for you!), it’s most likely you’ve seen it hanging on the wall in an exam room.

Christina Irene, a hidden disability advocate, speaker, and author, has developed what she calls the “Splat” system. As she writes, “Splat is a system of communication for people with chronic illnesses, mental health diagnoses, and other hidden disabilities. Our conditions are often a ‘moving target,’ meaning we never know how we’re going to feel from one day to the next. The one certainty is: Every day, we feel like we’ve been run over by something.” Check out her website where she has a whole page dedicated to the Splat system, with resources you may find helpful.

13 Artists Children Should Know

Posted on by Wendy Kennar

I’ve been packing up a bag of children’s books to donate. (In case you’re wondering, we usually donate our books to the public library, little free libraries, and Big Sunday, a wonderful organization here in Los Angeles.)

That’s how I came across my son’s copy of 13 Artists Children Should Know by Angela Wenzel. We bought this book many years ago during one of our visits to the Getty Center. And rather than immediately place the book in the donation bag, I decided to read it. It had been years since we had gone through it, and I had forgotten which artists had made the cut and were included in the book. 

Vincent van Gogh is one of the artists featured in the book. Our family likes van Gogh. He painted a series of sunflower pictures, which happen to be my favorite flower. Plus, my son not only shares his birthday with his Grandma, my mom, but also Vincent van Gogh.

Claude Monet is included. (I love his Water Lilies and have a framed print hanging in our bedroom. We also have a framed print of Impression: Sunrise, 1872; both prints were bought in Paris twenty years ago.) 

Other artists included in the book are Andy Warhol, Pablo Picasso, Leonardo da Vinci. Names we all recognize. 

Among the thirteen, only two were women — Mary Cassatt and Frida Kahlo.

(If you’re curious, the rest of the list includes: Marc Chagall, Franz Marc, Paul Klee, Henri Matisse, Jan Vermeer, and Henri Rousseau.)

And as I read through the book, I wondered — who decided which artists to include. Why these twelve? 

Likewise, why during his high school years, did my son read The Catcher in the Rye? The Great Gatsby? Romeo and Juliet? 

I’m not saying these literary pieces aren’t worthy of being read. 

But I am saying I read these same pieces of literature, in the same high school, thirty years ago.

We really need to expand the lists of artists, authors, and musicians young people “should” know. 

Do you agree? If you were putting together a book of artists, or writing a list of books to be taught in a public high school, who or what would you include? I’m really curious; feel free to share your thoughts in the comments.