writing life

Pep Talks

Posted on by Wendy Kennar

I’m at the halfway-ish point of Maggie Smith’s wonderful book, Dear Writer: Pep Talks and Practical Advice For the Creative Life. 

First, I must admit, I love the “Pep Talks” part of the sub-title.

Many books offer “practical advice.” Some include “Tips and tricks.” And still other books may have “Steps and suggestions.” 

But “pep talks”? That’s a new one, at least for me. (And if I’m overlooking another writing craft book offering pep talks, please, friends, let me know.)

And there will definitely be a blog post dedicated to Ms. Smith’s book once I finish reading it.

This week, at the halfway-ish point of the book, I wanted to pause and share some of Ms. Smith’s “pep talks,” because maybe you’re needing them as much as I am. 

Because, let’s be honest, most of the time, us writers aren’t working each day with someone giving us a pat on the back, or a back rub, or even a set of new file folders. (Is it just me that enjoys looking at all the stationery supplies at Dollar Tree?)

We write, not because anyone is necessarily cheerleading us on (though, that is one of the wonderful benefits of working with a Book Coach). We write, day after day, not because anyone will ask us at dinner about the progress we made on the fourth draft of the new personal essay we’re working on. 

We write simply because we have to. We have to get words down on the page — whether those words are fiction or nonfiction. Whether they rhyme or not. Whether a day’s work will stand alone or be a part of a much larger piece. 

But, it’s hard work. And I have found non-writers generally don’t understand just how hard this writing work is. Not physically hard like a landscaper, down on their knees under a fiercely bright sun. And not hard like needing an entire chalkboard to work out one math equation. (Anyone else think of the film Hidden Figures here?) 

But, still, hard. Hard because we don’t always know where the writing is going. The words I got down today may be the same words I delete four days from now in a later draft. And the words I wrote and then spoke out loud to hear the rhythm of the language may be the words some faceless person on the other side of the country will declare “not a good fit for us at this time.”

So, yes, I’ll take a pep talk. Thank you.

And if you’re needing a pep talk, or four, allow me to share some pep talks from Ms. Smith’s Dear Writer:

“Taking care of yourself is taking care of your creativity. Taking care of yourself as a whole human being is taking care of the writer in you.”

“Any piece of writing is a time capsule. It reflects the choices — and the abilities, and the limitations — of the writer we are at the time.”

“Being true to your own vision as a writer or an artist means doing your work, the work that only you can do. Your memories, your point of view, your observations and metaphors — everything about you that you bring to bear when you write — is a combination that no one else has.
“If you don’t write your poems, your stories, your plays and essays and scripts, they won’t exist. No one else can do it for you.”

“Be for you first. Create for you first. Trust your own vision.” 

Please note: I am including a link to buy the book that I’m highlighting this week. If you use my link, I do make a small commission on your purchase at no additional cost to you. I am working with Bookshop.org which also sends a portion of the profit to support local, independent bookstores.

Heart. Soul. Pen.

Posted on by Wendy Kennar

I don’t think I’ll ever “finish” learning about writing. The longer I write, the more certain I am that there is always something new to discover— about the process and the craft, but also, about myself. 

Which is why I enjoy reading craft books.

I recently finished reading Heart. Soul. Pen.: Find Your Voice on the Page and in Your Life by Robin Finn. It’s a great title, because for me, that is what writing comes down to — parts of my heart and soul transcribed onto paper.  

Whether you are a writer looking to get your super personal words out and onto the page, or you are a woman searching for the confidence to speak your truth, Ms. Finn’s book is for you. 

From the Introduction: “Every part of you is invited — the pretty parts and the ugly parts, the happy parts and the painful parts, the noisy parts, and the quiet parts. You are invited regardless of your age, stage, marital status, or any other status. You get an A+ in this class just for showing up. Your writing is welcome here, whether it spills out loud and shouted, or tiptoes forward soft and coaxed. Together, we are entering a safe space where we can fully and radically express ourselves.”

This week, I share with you some highlights from the book:

“The messages we receive as kids get lodged inside of us and become lifelong, limiting beliefs that impact how we live, work, write, create, show up in our lives, and relate to ourselves and others. These beliefs limit us from experiencing who we truly are. They keep us small. They keep us from sharing our full expression in the world.”  (Sound familiar? It did for me.)

“HEART. SOUL. PEN. is a step-by-step process designed to help you reclaim your voice, tell your story, and embrace the indisputable value of your life experience and creative self-expression.” 

“Writing at its best helps us connect to each other and feel less isolated in our individual lives.” (I love this!)

“If you are waiting for someone else to offer you time to write, you may be waiting a long time. Taking time for yourself is not selfish. It is self-honoring. You are worthy of your own time to connect to your voice, express yourself, and process your world through writing.” (I love that term — “self-honoring.”)

“… the success of a regular writing practice is less about how much writing you get done, and more about how you approach your commitment to writing.”

“Writing is a process that takes time and effort. It is important to find moments to acknowledge yourself and celebrate your effort. You can celebrate making time for self-expression when you sit down to write in your journal. You can acknowledge that writing is a form of self-care and a gift you give to yourself. Recognizing your hard work and your commitment may sound easy. But, for many women, it is outside their comfort zone.”

And perhaps my favorite section of the book, something I will return to over and over, are Ms. Finn’s “Ten Truths You Need to Know about Yourself as a Writer.”

A question for my writer-friends — Do you enjoy reading craft books? What was the last writing-related book you read? Please share!

Please note: I am including a link to buy the book that I’m highlighting this week. If you use my link, I do make a small commission on your purchase at no additional cost to you. I am working with Bookshop.org which also sends a portion of the profit to support local, independent bookstores.

Questions and Clues

Posted on by Wendy Kennar

I sign up for many writing-related webinars (mostly free, though some are fee-based), and I like to watch interviews with authors on YouTube. I consider myself a life-long student, and have found the writing community to be very generous when it comes to sharing information and advice and encouraging other writers. 

I attend these webinars and watch these videos in my quest to learn more about building a writing career. As I continue to query literary agents, I have been learning about establishing and maintaining an author newsletter (something I plan to do in the future, so stay tuned!), creating a readership, and the different types of marketing options available for writers. 

A couple of weeks ago, I watched two different writing-related videos, featuring two different authors, and both videos left me with questions I haven’t been able to stop thinking about.

One author was asked how she shows herself self-compassion. I thought it was an interesting question for an interview. The memoir author spoke first of acknowledging the difficulty in writing about painful experiences. Writing memoir, particularly writing about a traumatic experience, requires a very different mindset than writing a scene in a romantic-comedy, for example. The author spoke of giving herself breaks, and being very intentional when it came to planning her writing time. She knew she would need to strategically plan when and where she’d engage in this writing, and then give herself the space and time needed to rest afterward. 

In another interview, a different author was asked what she does to nurture her resilience.

The questions stumped me. Me, who is seemingly always writing or thinking about writing, was at a loss for words. 

Do I show myself self-compassion? Probably not nearly as much as I should. 

Do I nurture my resilience? Honestly, I’m not a hundred percent certain what that means or how that would look. 

But that’s what I’ve been thinking about. Those are questions that I can’t seem to let go.

Then over the weekend, as I tried to make my way through a full inbox, I read agent Kate McKean’s latest Substack post titled, “Compulsory Rest.” This sentence stood out to me: “The universe is going to do what it’s going to do—and all you can do is make sure you’re taking care of yourself the best you can.”

She’s completely right. I like to think I’m in control, with my lists and schedules and dinner meals planned out a week in advance. But really, the truth is, I’m not at all. There is actually little I can control, and when it comes to my own body, there’s really very little I have control over. 

It’s been hard. “It” meaning life, though I hesitate to put that in writing. Thankfully, my family is healthy and safe. We are not worried about having enough food in the fridge or a roof over our heads. We are lucky, fortunate, blessed in so many ways. 

And yet, life has been hard.

I feel like these interview questions and this Substack statement are like clues. Clues from multiple sources and multiple people. Clues I am paying attention to. 

But, also, clues I’m not  entirely sure what to do with or how to use them as a springboard for changes in my daily life.

Anyone else feel that way?

Working Towards That One Yes

Posted on by Wendy Kennar

Twenty years ago this month, I earned my first byline. 

And not just any byline, but a byline in the Los Angeles Times. 

It all felt so easy. I wrote a personal essay. I submitted it to the Times. They published it soon after. 

The publication happened not too long after I had taken a weekend course about writing the personal essay through the UCLA Extension Writers’ Program. 

That class was the first of many I would take in the Writers’ Program. I got incredibly lucky, because Barbara Abercrombie was the instructor for that class. (If you’ve read my blog for a while, you know I have written about Barbara and credit her with helping me find my way as a writer. You can click here to read the tribute post I wrote after learning of Barbara’s death.)

Since that first publication, I have learned that writing and publishing aren’t often that easy. In reality, I may have to submit a piece to several different websites and/or print journals, before it finds a home. Sometimes I don’t find a home for a particular essay, and I have to put it away for a bit and move on with writing something new.

Now twenty years later, I am having a whole new writing experience. While I continue to write for MomsLA.com, and write these weekly blog posts, and write personal essays to answer a variety of submission calls for both print and online publications, I am also querying literary agents. 

Querying requires a whole different type of focus and time commitment. After all, I am searching for the person who will not only be an advocate for my memoir, but also an advocate and supporter for my writing career. 

So far, I have queried 58 agents.

So far, I have received 15 rejections — which does not include those agents who state on their website something along the lines of, “If you haven’t heard from us in 10-12 weeks, consider it a pass.”

It’s just a part of the process. Because it really doesn’t matter how many no’s I receive. 

All it takes is one yes. 

Be the Gateway

Posted on by Wendy Kennar

Over the years, my writing goals have changed. At first, I just wanted to write. Back in elementary school I wrote short stories with girls named Jill and Amy. Names that weren’t also shared with a character in Peter Pan or a fast-food hamburger place.

A bit older, and I experimented with poetry and found myself trying to write poems about the moon, like a giant silver dollar so bright, up in the sky.

Then I moved on to nonfiction, writing pieces about things that happened to me. I discovered the personal essay before I learned its name, and since college, I have only written personal essays. 

Once I knew what I wanted to write, I wanted to be published which isn’t unique to me. Publication is a worthy goal, shared by many writers. 

However, I soon learned publication isn’t enough. I wanted my published personal essays to be read. I wanted to reach readers — to make them smile, or pause and reflect. To touch a reader with my words was, is, a gift. 

But that connection with a reader can only happen if I identify my intended audience, my ideal readers, and they have access to my writing.

Be the Gateway: A Practical Guide to Sharing Your Creative Work and Engaging an Audience by Dan Blank is exactly what it sounds like. A book whose purpose is to provide steps and suggestions for sharing your creative work and having a meaningful connection with your audience. 

Mr. Blank’s book isn’t just for writers. It’s for artists and creators of any kind who are looking to share their art and creations.

Mr. Blank and his company, We Grow Media, are all about human-centered marketing. I have taken a few of his webinars and found them to be quite helpful. 

I won’t go into the specifics, but I would like to share a few of the passages that spoke to me, passages that I think are broad and general enough to speak to many of my readers as well:

“Instead of framing the value of your work by how it performs in the market, you define it by how other people experience the world through your creative work — the stories and experiences you share, and the topics you talk about.”

“It is about understanding the connection between what you create, why you create it, and how it will engage others.”

“When you share your journey, you are building advocates in the process; those who aren’t just aware of what you are doing, but feel connected to it in a personal way.”

“So much of success is about sheer persistence, and believing in yourself and your work.”

“Tennis legend Arthur Ashe once said, ‘To achieve greatness, start where you are, use what you have, do what you can.’ “

Please note: I am including a link to buy the book that I’m highlighting this week. If you use my link, I do make a small commission on your purchase at no additional cost to you. I am working with Bookshop.org which also sends a portion of the profit to support local, independent bookstores.

Gardening and Writing

Posted on by Wendy Kennar

The other day, I spent an hour working in my garden. Pruning, plucking, and even pleading. (Me: “Please don’t eat the plant. It’s not food.” Squirrel: No comment. But it did stop eating and stare at me for a long moment before scampering away.)

While I was marveling at the many plants that are getting closer to blooming, I realized something — gardening and writing have a lot in common.

They both offer the promise of something different — something more, something bigger, something more colorful — than what you started with.

A small green plant with a card sticking out of its moist soil labeling it a kalanchoe. A stack of white printer paper, standing at attention, just waiting for me to type some words on the computer and press print. 

I turn to both of these endeavors with hope and optimism. I water my plants, doing my best to make sure I’m watering a Goldilocks-not-too-much, not-too-little amount. I strive to find just the right spot, with just the right amount of sunlight, for each plant. I trust in the process and hope I’ve done all I can so my kalanchoe will bloom its yellow flowers. Likewise, I open up a new Pages document on my computer and begin. I only have twenty-six letters to work with, but, again, I trust in the process. I’ve done this before. Just get something down — a word, a vague idea, a quote. Something to get me writing, and keep me writing.

And then you see it start to happen. The plant looks a little taller, a bit fuller with more leaves. A tiny bud appears. The screen on the computer is no longer full of ramblings. I’ve found the line that I was writing my way to. The line that leads to a paragraph, which leads to multiple paragraphs and multiple pages.

But it’s not done yet. My kalanchoe does bloom its small, happy yellow flowers. And I continue showing my plants love, in the form of my pruning and plucking. So, too, it is with writing. After I have printed several pages of my personal essay, I know I’m not done. My pages need some love, too. I review, revise, and rewrite.

Of course there are others involved. All the people responsible for getting my plants to the garden store. My husband for being my personal I.T. person. 

But in the end, I did it. 

I pause and savor and appreciate. 

Then I do it all again. 

Dismissals and Rejections – of Symptoms and Submissions

Posted on by Wendy Kennar

“It’s not a realization that came to me easily or early on in my life as a chronic illness patient. It took me several years to finally recognize it and to see what had been in front of me all along.

Not until I marked my submission tracker with that most depressing word, “Declined,” did I make the connection. I realized that having a piece of writing declined and leaving a doctor’s appointment without any answers share many of the same emotions.” 

Those paragraphs are taken from my personal essay, “Dismissals and Rejections — of Symptoms and Submissions,” recently published at Spoonie Authors Network. You can click here to read the essay in its entirety.

Charming Notes

Posted on by Wendy Kennar

It wasn’t my idea. 

I got it from Carolyn See and her fantastic book Making a Literary Life: Advice for Writers and Other Dreamers. (If you haven’t read it, I highly recommend it. I’ve read this book several times, and each time, I find something new that touches me. Each time, I also laugh out loud.)

Here’s what Carolyn See said in Chapter 4 – Charming Notes:

“…you write one charming note to a novelist, an editor, a journalist, a poet, a sculptor, even an agent whose professional work or reputation you admire, five days a week, for the rest of your life. Then after you write the note, you address it, put a stamp on it, and mail it out. These notes are like paper airplanes sailing around the world, and they accomplish a number of things at once.

“They salute the writer (or editor or agent in question). They say to him or her: Your work is good and admirable! You’re not laboring in a vacuum. There are people out in the world who know what you do and respect it.

“The notes are also saying: I exist, too. In the same world as you. Isn’t that amazing? They can also say: Want to play?”

I don’t write “charming notes” five days a week. But I do make an effort to contact a writer and let him/her know their words touched me. Sometimes, I look up their website and fill out the “contact me form.” Sometimes, I write them an email. Now that I’m on Instagram (@wendykennar), sometimes I comment on one of their photos related to what I just read. 

Sometimes I hear back — a simple “thank you,” a longer, several-line email. 

And sometimes, I receive no reply. But that’s okay.

Because I know I wrote the notes, and I like to think my “charming notes-paper airplanes” are out in the world, flying about, spreading bits of goodness and positivity. 

And that’s enough for me.