Author: Wendy Kennar

The Book of Delights

Posted on by Wendy Kennar

While I read The Book of Delights by Ross Gay, it occurred to me that I don’t often use the word “delight.” It seems unfortunate, especially since I am delighted on a regular basis — a tight hug from my son, a smile and a hand squeeze from my husband, the flickering candlelight creating shadows that dance on the walls, a hummingbird drinking from our bottlebrush tree right outside our dining room window.

From the beginning of the book’s preface:

“One day last July, feeling delighted and compelled to both wonder about and share that delight, I decided that it might feel nice, even useful, to write a daily essay about something delightful. I remember laughing to myself for how obvious it was. I could call it something like The Book of Delights.”

From the end of the book’s preface:

“It didn’t take me long to learn that the discipline or practice of writing these essays occasioned a kind of delight radar. Or maybe it was more like the development of a delight muscle. Something that implies that the more you study delight, the more delight there is to study.”

Here are just a few of the book’s delights I would like to share with you:

“…So today I’m recalling the utility, the need, of my own essayettes to emerge from such dailiness, and in that way to be a practice of witnessing one’s delight, of being in and with one’s delight, daily, which actually requires vigilance. It also requires faith that delight will be with you daily, that you needn’t hoard it. No scarcity of delight.”

“… when I saw the announcement on the church’s marquee (somehow I think marquee is the wrong word) FORBIDDEN FRUIT CREATES MANY JAMS, I did not for even half a second consider jam meaning problem, jam meaning blockage, jam meaning trouble (nor did I immediately consider jam meaning party or celebration). I thought they were having a jam sale fundraiser. Which, in retrospect, I’ve never seen, though it’s a good idea.”

“Books are lovely. I love books. And libraries are among my favorite places on Earth, especially the tiny hand-built take-one-leave-ones like book birdhouses popping up in the last five or ten years. That’s a delight.”

My dear readers, what delights have you recently experienced or witnessed? Please share!

Please note: I am including a link to buy the book that I’m highlighting this week. If you use my link, I do make a small commission on your purchase at no additional cost to you. I am working with Bookshop.org which also sends a portion of the profit to support local, independent bookstores.

Be the Gateway

Posted on by Wendy Kennar

Over the years, my writing goals have changed. At first, I just wanted to write. Back in elementary school I wrote short stories with girls named Jill and Amy. Names that weren’t also shared with a character in Peter Pan or a fast-food hamburger place.

A bit older, and I experimented with poetry and found myself trying to write poems about the moon, like a giant silver dollar so bright, up in the sky.

Then I moved on to nonfiction, writing pieces about things that happened to me. I discovered the personal essay before I learned its name, and since college, I have only written personal essays. 

Once I knew what I wanted to write, I wanted to be published which isn’t unique to me. Publication is a worthy goal, shared by many writers. 

However, I soon learned publication isn’t enough. I wanted my published personal essays to be read. I wanted to reach readers — to make them smile, or pause and reflect. To touch a reader with my words was, is, a gift. 

But that connection with a reader can only happen if I identify my intended audience, my ideal readers, and they have access to my writing.

Be the Gateway: A Practical Guide to Sharing Your Creative Work and Engaging an Audience by Dan Blank is exactly what it sounds like. A book whose purpose is to provide steps and suggestions for sharing your creative work and having a meaningful connection with your audience. 

Mr. Blank’s book isn’t just for writers. It’s for artists and creators of any kind who are looking to share their art and creations.

Mr. Blank and his company, We Grow Media, are all about human-centered marketing. I have taken a few of his webinars and found them to be quite helpful. 

I won’t go into the specifics, but I would like to share a few of the passages that spoke to me, passages that I think are broad and general enough to speak to many of my readers as well:

“Instead of framing the value of your work by how it performs in the market, you define it by how other people experience the world through your creative work — the stories and experiences you share, and the topics you talk about.”

“It is about understanding the connection between what you create, why you create it, and how it will engage others.”

“When you share your journey, you are building advocates in the process; those who aren’t just aware of what you are doing, but feel connected to it in a personal way.”

“So much of success is about sheer persistence, and believing in yourself and your work.”

“Tennis legend Arthur Ashe once said, ‘To achieve greatness, start where you are, use what you have, do what you can.’ “

Please note: I am including a link to buy the book that I’m highlighting this week. If you use my link, I do make a small commission on your purchase at no additional cost to you. I am working with Bookshop.org which also sends a portion of the profit to support local, independent bookstores.

My Current Reality Scares Me

Posted on by Wendy Kennar
My son and I at the National Portrait Gallery during our Washington, D.C. trip this summer.

During the last several months, I have come to a difficult-to-accept realization. Physically, I am not doing well. Honestly, this may be the worst I have felt for a considerable length of time, not counting the times immediately after a medical procedure (like my muscle biopsy). 

Last year, on our family trip to Maui, I reluctantly agreed to use a wheelchair in the airports. A good friend had advised me not to waste my legs walking through an airport and standing in line at security. She was absolutely right. But there was no question that I would walk, hike, and participate in everything my husband and son wanted to do — including parasailing and zip lining with my son.

This year, though, not only did I use a wheelchair in the airports, I also rented one to use during our summer trip to Washington, D.C. 

Since our July D.C. trip, there have been two other occasions when having a wheelchair would have made my life a lot easier. One was seeing Return of the Jedi in Concert at the Hollywood Bowl. The other was attending Back-to-School Night at my son’s high school. Both occasions were incredibly painful for me. Both occasions left no doubt that my legs can no longer do what, up until this point, they have been able to do.

A decade ago, I retired from teaching. And I think one of the reasons I have held on so tightly to all my other roles, all my I’ve-always-done-it, of-course-I’ll-still-do-it instances is because I’m terrified of having to give up something else. I am so frightened that my physical disability is worsening and the invisibility aspect of it will soon no longer exist,  and there will be no doubt in someone’s mind if they see me park in a handicapped parking space that I do indeed need that spot. 

I don’t know if this is true. No one does. In October, I’m scheduled to begin treatment for my knee that may (or may not) help my overall left leg pain. 

Meanwhile, each day feels a bit like an endurance test. A test I’m scared I won’t pass.  

It’s Pain Awareness Month

Posted on by Wendy Kennar
This picture was taken in July 2023, when our family was in Washington, D.C. I was super excited to explore the National Air and Space Museum, a museum I had wanted to visit since I was an elementary school student. And if you look closely, you’ll see I’m using my rented wheelchair as a walker. I didn’t cancel this trip because of my pain, because for me, that was “not an option.” (Taken from the famous words “Failure is not an option” spoken by Gene Kranz during the Apollo 13 Mission.)

September is Pain Awareness Month.

I’ve written about Pain Awareness Month before, last year in 2022 and back in 2021. 

This year, though, I don’t know what I can write that is new or offers a fresh take on chronic pain. I think that’s largely because I have been trying to deal with increasing pain. Basically, my pain is worse — in intensity and in location. (For many years, pain was limited to my left calf. That is no longer the case. Now, it’s my left calf, my left thigh, both knees, and since about two weeks ago, my left foot.)

This could very easily be a glass-is-half-empty type of blog post. 

But it’s not.

Because my son (now a sophomore in high school) shared something with me the other day that I think is defining worth writing about here.

On the drive home from school, my son told me about what he had to do that day during his Physical Education class. The laps around the track he ran. The stadium stairs he had to climb up and down, up and down, multiple times. 

By the time class was done, he was super uncomfortable. Sweaty. Slightly out of breath. All of which is to be expected.

“I know it’s not the same thing, but my knees were really hurting. It was hard to get dressed and then climb the stairs to my next class. And it made me think that this must be like what it is for you. But like, all the time,” he said. 

And I think my son’s comments truly illustrate the concept of Pain Awareness. No one can ever truly know my pain, but me. But this connection my son made, this attempt at putting himself in my shoes, was a beautiful gift he gave me. 

This Was a Big Deal for Me

Posted on by Wendy Kennar

Something happened a few weeks ago that I haven’t told anyone about. 

Until now.

A few Saturdays ago, I came in from watering the plants on our back patio. (Just to paint the picture — we don’t have a hose out back. Watering the plants requires multiple trips in and out of the house, filling up two watering cans in our kitchen, carrying them outside, back in the house for refills, and so it goes.)

I came back inside after I had watered the last of the plants, and thought to myself, “I feel awful and I haven’t even done anything.”

But what happened next was not part of my usual pattern. Because immediately after that thought, a new thought entered my mind.

“That’s not true. I’ve done a lot.”

And as I put the yellow/green watering can on top of the refrigerator and the smaller, red watering can on the shelf near the refrigerator, I started mentally listing all I had done in the few hours I’d been awake.

Made the bed.

Made breakfast for myself and my son.

Emptied the dishwasher, with my husband’s help.

Got dressed. 

Shredded papers and old bills.

Took out the trash and recycling.

Swept the patio.

Watered the plants.

That pause in my regularly-scheduled-programming — the internal loop that usually plays about my limited stamina and my increased pain — was, is, huge. It’s a sign that I have been working on myself. That I am actively trying to take better care of myself. Because while I know all about drinking water and trying to get enough sleep and taking my meds on time, the mental part of taking care of myself has been more difficult for me.

So I share all this in this week’s blog post because I am proud of myself. My therapist will know what a big deal this was, this is, for me. 

I’m also sharing because I know how much it means to me to come across a piece of writing that speaks of this hard, hard experience of living with a chronic illness and chronic pain. When I read a personal essay that I connect with, that makes me think Yes, That. Absolutely that, I feel less alone in this isolating world of invisible illness. 

It’s my hope this post can be that piece of writing for someone else.

Hello Stranger

Posted on by Wendy Kennar

If you have read my blog for a while and followed me on Instagram, you know I’m a fan of Katherine Center’s novels. I have heard Ms. Center describe her books as stories of people who get knocked down, and find a way to get back up. I have also heard Ms. Center speak of the benefits of love stories and romance novels and happy endings. In one interview, she said readers can relax, knowing the two love interests will somehow find a way to be together at the end. As the writer, she will not have one character suddenly get hit by a bus at the end of the book. At the beginning of the book, it’s a possibility, but by the end things will work out. (In fact, the book’s Author’s Note is an absolute must-read.)

All that is true in terms of Katherine Center’s newest novel Hello Stranger. 

I found myself immediately liking Sadie, which meant there were a few nights I stayed up later than I anticipated, because I had to read one more chapter.

Here are some of the passages that spoke to me:

“Back home after that night in the hospital, nothing about my shack, or my life, or myself had ever felt less fantastic. It’s a disorienting thing to know there’s something wrong with you. It made everything about my life seem different. Worse. False. Like I’d been misunderstanding everything all along.”

“You are also your whole life story. And your sense of humor. And your homemade doughnut recipe. And your love for ghost stories. And the way you savor ocean breezes. And the appreciation you have for how the colors pink and orange go together.
You’re not just your face, is what I mean.”

“ ‘I’m just going to take a fake-it-til-ya-make-it approach.’ That’s what I’d been doing my whole life. ‘If I can’t be okay, I’ll seem okay.’
“ ‘Seeming okay and being okay are not the same thing.’
“ ‘Close enough.’
“ ‘In fact,’ she said, leaning in a little, ‘they might cancel each other out.’
“ ‘Are you saying I should just walk around wailing and weeping?’
“ ‘I’m saying,’ she said, ‘that it’s better to be real than fake.’
“I could have argued with her. But I had a feeling I’d lose.
“Dr. Nicole went on. ‘It might help people to know what’s going on with you. It might help them help you.’ “

“Maybe the best way to keep her with me was to embrace her spirit. To emulate her courage. To bring the warmth and love to the world that she always — fearlessly — had.
“She had loved us without reservation. She adored us wildly. And laughed. And danced. And soaked it all up — every atom of her life — every moment of her time.
“She felt it all. She lived it all.”

“It’s so strange to me now, looking back on that upside-down time in my life, how many good things came out of it. If you’d asked me at the time, I’d have told you everything was ruined forever.
“But of course the fact it was all so hard is part of what made things better.
“It forced me into therapy for a while, for one.
“It forced me to rethink what making art meant in my life.
“It forced me to reevaluate some ideas that I’d never questioned about who we all are and what it all means. Because things were so overwhelming, I had no choice but to accept some help. And then I found out that letting people help you isn’t so bad.”

“But I find the antidote to that is just keeping a sense of humor. And staying humble. And laughing a lot. And doubling down on smiling. We’re all just muddling through, after all. We’re all just doing the best we can. We’re all struggling with our struggles. Nobody has the answers. And everybody, deep down, is a little bit lost.”

“The more good things you look for, the more you find.”

A side note:  my Katherine Center fandom includes purchases from the shop on her website. Highly recommend!

These framed Katherine Center prints hang on the wall above my desk.

Please note: I am including a link to buy the book that I’m highlighting this week. If you use my link, I do make a small commission on your purchase at no additional cost to you. I am working with Bookshop.org which also sends a portion of the profit to support local, independent bookstores.

Left on Tenth

Posted on by Wendy Kennar

Left on Tenth: A Second Chance at Life is a powerful memoir written by Delia Ephron.

It’s easy to get caught up in her life, her story, and then feel a bit in-awe of being granted permission to come along for this roller-coaster of a ride. Incredible highs to despairing lows, and through it all — love and hope. 

Here are a few of my favorite passages:

“Writing taught me who I was, because your writing is your fingerprint. When I began to do it, I heard my own voice, my own observations, my own stories, my own gifts.” 

“I think about it all the time. Sometimes very consciously, and sometimes it’s just fluttering in the back of things. For me, that is the most stunning thing about remission — the glorious sense that I have been given back life coupled with the terrible fear that death is behind the next lamppost. This gift could be snuffed out at any moment.”

“… but my relationship to the world has changed. It’s as if I’ve been knocked on the head. I look the same, I think, although there is uncertainty in my reflection that wasn’t there before. Would anyone else notice that? I’m not sure. I am physically, mentally, and emotionally wobbly.”

“Over the years I have seen many people on Tenth Street with rollators and walkers. Old people. Sick people. I have felt sorry for them. I used to look away. I regret, am even appalled, by my previous lack of admiration and empathy. Now I am feeble and they are looking at me, or avoiding looking at me. I have to summon my nerve. I have to ‘own’ it. If you see my vulnerability, I force myself to think, well, I hope you respect my bravery.”

“With transplants, he can follow his patients for years. He is very busy researching cures and saving lives, yet he finds time to read my novel Siracusa. He knows who I am. Not simply because he reengineered my bone marrow. He takes the trouble to know my brain and heart.”

“Everywhere I go, I get greeted with happiness and cheers for my bravery. It’s lovely but I don’t think I was brave. I was a captive on a no-exit journey. One way only. And, simply, I was fortunate that I didn’t die. I got my disease at a time of scientific discovery. I had great medicine and great love.”

Please note: I am including a link to buy the book that I’m highlighting this week. If you use my link, I do make a small commission on your purchase at no additional cost to you. I am working with Bookshop.org which also sends a portion of the profit to support local, independent bookstores.

A Safe Space

Posted on by Wendy Kennar

“I foolishly thought having an autoimmune disease would be no big deal. I thought it was something that would fade into the background, behind more important things like my family and career. I thought Undifferentiated Connective Tissue Disease (UCTD) would be another footnote in my medical history, along the lines of my allergy to penicillin. I disclose my allergy any time it’s relevant, explain about the hives that develop, and when necessary, wear a hospital bracelet identifying “allergy.” But on a daily basis, my allergic reaction to penicillin isn’t a big deal. I don’t give it much thought. I assumed having UCTD would work the same way.

Wrong.”

The paragraphs above are excerpts from my personal essay, “A Safe Space.” And I’m proud to share “A Safe Space” has recently been published in Wishbone Words, Issue 11. You can access the issue by clicking here.  (Just a note – there is a slight fee to download the issue.)

Book Lovers Day!

Posted on by Wendy Kennar

Today, Wednesday, August 9th is Book Lovers Day! (It’s also known as National Book Lovers Day.)

To mark the occasion, I wanted to highlight just a few books which include the word “book” in their titles.

Of course the first book had to be Book Lovers by Emily Henry. Pure delight!

Zibby Owens, who may be the number one cheerleader for books and authors, wrote Bookends: A Memoir of Love, Loss, and Literature. 

Allow me to share this paragraph:   

“The cracking open of a book’s spine has always been an exercise in self-discovery, healing, and fortification. That subtle whoosh when words spill out makes me salivate. Then the feel of the coarse pages under my fingertips delights my consciousness, the sudden sprinkling of syllables, the black-and-white letters in various patterns, coalescing to find their way directly to my heart. It’s magic.”

The Bookish Life of Nina Hill by Abbi Waxman was such a fun, pleasurable read.

The Little Book of Hygge: Danish Secrets to Happy Living by Meik Wiking provided some insight into why candles in our home, among other things, are so important to me.

The Book of Hope by Jane Goodall and Douglas Abrams is a powerful read with many passages that really stood out. 

Dear Readers, have you read any of these books? What book(s) would you add to this list? Let me know in the comments.

Please note: I am including links to buy the books that I’m highlighting this week. If you use my link, I do make a small commission on your purchase at no additional cost to you. I am working with Bookshop.org which also sends a portion of the profit to support local, independent bookstores.

An Unplanned Path

Posted on by Wendy Kennar

I am pleased to share that my personal essay, “An Unplanned Path,” has been published in the most recent issue of Cosmic Daffodil Journal. You can click here to read the essay in its entirety. (The theme was “NATURA,” and nonfiction submissions had a 300-500 word count limit.)

In addition, Cosmic Daffodil Journal has created a free e-book, which will soon be available for download on the website, so you can read all the fine pieces of writing included in NATURA.