Permission Not to be “Strong Tonight”

Do you have a go-to song?

A song you listen to when you need that extra bit of encouragement? That extra motivation to keep pushing through?

I have those songs, but I also need another kind of song.

A song that gives me permission to just stop. Stop trying to be so strong. Stop trying to hold it all together. Stop trying to keep it all inside.

You can click here to be re-directed to The Mighty to read my personal essay, “The Rita Wilson Song That Helps Me Deal With My Chronic Illness.”

Readers, I’d love to know about your songs? Which songs bring you comfort? Which songs help you? Feel free to share in the comments.

Chronic Illness and an Octopus

Over the years, more and more of my writing has described different aspects of my life with a chronic illness. 

Writing about it is different than talking about it.

But that’s what I recently did.

Julie Morgenlender, editor of The Things We Don’t Say: An Anthology of Chronic Illness Truths, recently spoke with me about my experience living with a chronic illness. Among other things, we talked about invisible disabilities and illnesses, ableism, diagnoses, and octopuses!

You can watch the video on YouTube by clicking here.

Deserving of the “Good Paper”

The theme for the March issue of Sasee Magazine is “Planting the Seed.” 

Some writers might read that and think in literal terms – planting seeds, watching a garden grow, waiting for a flower to bloom.

I took that theme and went a different way. 

I wrote about my second grade teacher, Mrs. Jones. It was she who, all those years ago, “planted the seed” and helped me believe I could be a writer.

Click here to read my essay, “Deserving of the Good Paper’ ” in its entirety.

 

Tales of a Dad with Attitude

You may recognize the name “Chris Erskine” from his columns in the Los Angeles Times. While I primarily write about “books, boys, and bodies (living with an invisible disability),” Mr. Erskine writes about “the absurdities of suburban fatherhood.”

I recently finished Daditude: The Joys and Absurdities of Modern Fatherhood. This book is a collection of columns, many of which are updated with brief comments by his wife and/or children. 

If you’re a parent and live somewhere in the vicinity of Los Angeles, you’re sure to find many of these tales relatable. But readers of any background will find sentences that make you stop, sentences where you think, “Damn; that’s good writing.”

Let me share a few with you:

“I like how, when you open an old treasured book, the binding crackles like a log fire.”

“The baby is now her obsession. Frankly, I don’t understand it. Sure, his skin is like linen. His eyes as bright as a winter sunrise. But his butt is all diaper. He constantly spits up. He has no visible means of support. All in all, he’s me twenty years ago, fresh from college.”

“Like Santa, the little guy seems to see miracles that no one else sees. He spots something, and his eyes glisten like the crystal of a watch. I worry, sometimes, that he might grow up to be a writer.”

“With each new day, a fifth grader fills more of the world. He’ll add muscles between breakfast and lunch. I see him now stretched out on the couch he outgrew this afternoon, taller than he was five breaths before.”

“Her chestnut hair is thinner now, but she still has those killer cheekbones and the cutest dimple – like an apostrophe – on just one side of her smile.”

“Half Sicilian, Posh has been cooking lasagna since she was three. Her version is seven layers deep, as thick as a good quilt and built with the same care craftsmen put into a Lamborghini.”

 

How Do You Define “Consequences”?

How do you define the word “consequence?”

Do you consider it a positive or a negative?

The Readers Write topic for the February 2021 issue of the The Sun was “Consequences.”

And I’m proud to say that I achieved my first Readers Write byline with my response.

You can click here to read it and all the other Readers Write responses.

Stories About Self-Care and Balance

I am happy and proud to share that my story, “ An Unexpected Gift,” has been published in Chicken Soup for the Soul: 101 Stories About Self-Care and Balance

I’m the first to admit that I’m not the best at self-care or putting myself and my needs on the top of my to-do list. 

I hope reading these stories will help you (and me) learn to regularly carve out “me time.”

A Process of Reinvention

 

The plan was for me to retire from my teaching career after twenty years, at least. Probably closer to thirty. 

To retire because I chose to. Because the time was right.

The reality was different. I retired due to a disability after a twelve-year teaching career. 

Everything changed. Not just my daily routines. But my identity.

I had to reinvent myself, in a sense. 

Recently, I finished my second read of Claire Cook’s Never Too Late: Your Roadmap to Reinvention (Without Getting Lost Along the Way). The first time I read it was a year after I left teaching. 

Now I re-read it, simply for a refresher. A little burst of encouragement to help me get out of my comfort zone and try some new things. 

This week, I’d like to share just a few of the book’s gems with you.

“Life can be ridiculously tough. And when it is, we have two choices: give up or be tougher.”

“  ‘Of course you’re afraid,’ a character in my novel Time Flies says. ‘We’re all afraid. There are only two choices: afraid and boring.’ “

“If Plan A doesn’t work, the alphabet has 25 more letters. (204 if you’re in Japan!)”

Raising “Obama Babies” and “Kamala Kids”

Ryan, almost 10 months old, applauding during President Obama’s Inauguration, January 2009

“I consider my almost-thirteen year old son to be an “Obama Baby.”

It’s all about the math. Ryan was born the year President Obama was elected as our nation’s first African-American President.”

Those words begin a personal essay that was just published on Motherwell Magazine’s Facebook page. Click here to read “Raising Obama Babies and Kamala Kids,” and please help spread the word.

What I Really Mean When I Say ‘My Leg Kinda Hurts’

It began with a writing prompt. Then some notes. Then several drafts. And resulted in a completed essay published on The Mighty.

 

“ ‘My leg kinda hurts, but it’s okay.’

That’s my standard answer when I’m asked how I’m feeling. I hesitate to say more. I don’t want to tell them (my husband, my son, my parents) how bad my pain is, simply because there’s nothing any of them can do to ease my pain.”

You just read the beginning of my recently published essay “What I Really Mean When I Say ‘My Leg Kinda Hurts’.” 

The reality is more complicated than that.

Click here to be re-directed to The Mighty to read my essay in its entirety.

8 Things Doctors Can Learn From Teachers

It’s definitely not a doctor’s office or exam room. Still, doctors can learn a lot from teachers.

I first became ill ten years ago. 

In that time I’ve seen a lot of doctors.

I don’t look forward to these appointments. Especially when I’m seeing someone new.

I dread having to explain and describe my symptoms and my pain to yet another doctor. I’m tired of re-hashing my story, my medical history. I’m tired of trying to explain to someone what my days and nights are like. 

And after all that, I’m tired of the non-answers, the uncertainty and confusion that my particular medical condition seems to present.

It’s been my experience that doctors could learn a thing or two (or eight) from teachers. A parent/teacher conference does, in fact, share similarities to a doctor’s appointment. 

Click here to read my personal essay “8 Things Doctors Can Learn From Teachers.”