It’s a 24/7 Job

Posted on by Wendy Kennar
It's just me - using my (invisible) superpower

My son returned to school on Monday after his week-long spring break. It was nice to have a change in my routine and be able to sleep past 6 am.

But his spring break, along with my husband’s days off work (timed to coincide with our son’s week off), just amplified what I am always aware of but generally don’t call attention to — when you live with a chronic illness, you never get a day off.

This is not to say that things are all the same, across the board, for everyone who lives with a chronic illness. Because that’s not the case at all. Medical conditions and health histories differ from person to person. 

However, I think it is fair to say that, for the most part, all chronically ill folks are dealing with a lot on a daily basis:

– overseeing medication: keeping track of when to take the meds, refilling the prescriptions, making trips to the pharmacy to pick up prescriptions and/or arranging to be at home to sign for and receive mailed prescriptions. 

– keeping track of symptoms: looking for patterns between what we did and how we feel. Or patterns between what we didn’t do and how we feel. Or patterns between how we slept and how we feel. Or patterns between what we ate and how we feel. Or patterns about what we didn’t eat and how we feel. You get the idea.

–  managing finances: writing checks to cover co-payments. Making credit card payments towards the expensive, insurance-didn’t-cover-the-full-amount, most-recent, doctor-recommended scan. 

– scheduling: consultations, evaluations, and follow-up appointments. Figuring out days and times for routine lab work. Keeping track of what you can and can’t do before each appointment or medical test. Fasting before some labs, but not all labs. 

– fatigue: it’s not feeling tired. It’s not even being exhausted. Because those are temporary. With a good night’s sleep, general tiredness and exhaustion disappear. Chronically ill folks live with fatigue that is not related to the amount of sleep you get each night. It’s the awful feeling of waking up feeling absolutely un-rested and completely drained and knowing you still have the whole day ahead of you.  

– dealing with side effects: every medication comes with a long list of potential side effects. Some are common, such as constipation and diarrhea (for which you may need medication to help with those side effects, even though those symptoms were caused by medication in the first place). Generally, any possible, unpleasant side effects are deemed worth it by the prescribing doctor. In other words, the possible good outweighs the possible bad — including weight gain and hair loss.  

And there’s one more thing. Something I think most people aren’t even aware of. 

Everyone I know who lives with a chronic illness, also lives with a superpower.

What’s the superpower? you wonder. I’ll tell you:

Pretending we’re well, when we’re not. 

Someone living with a chronic illness and/or chronic pain is never faking being sick. Instead, they’re actually faking being well. 

Every day.

Heart. Soul. Pen.

Posted on by Wendy Kennar

I don’t think I’ll ever “finish” learning about writing. The longer I write, the more certain I am that there is always something new to discover— about the process and the craft, but also, about myself. 

Which is why I enjoy reading craft books.

I recently finished reading Heart. Soul. Pen.: Find Your Voice on the Page and in Your Life by Robin Finn. It’s a great title, because for me, that is what writing comes down to — parts of my heart and soul transcribed onto paper.  

Whether you are a writer looking to get your super personal words out and onto the page, or you are a woman searching for the confidence to speak your truth, Ms. Finn’s book is for you. 

From the Introduction: “Every part of you is invited — the pretty parts and the ugly parts, the happy parts and the painful parts, the noisy parts, and the quiet parts. You are invited regardless of your age, stage, marital status, or any other status. You get an A+ in this class just for showing up. Your writing is welcome here, whether it spills out loud and shouted, or tiptoes forward soft and coaxed. Together, we are entering a safe space where we can fully and radically express ourselves.”

This week, I share with you some highlights from the book:

“The messages we receive as kids get lodged inside of us and become lifelong, limiting beliefs that impact how we live, work, write, create, show up in our lives, and relate to ourselves and others. These beliefs limit us from experiencing who we truly are. They keep us small. They keep us from sharing our full expression in the world.”  (Sound familiar? It did for me.)

“HEART. SOUL. PEN. is a step-by-step process designed to help you reclaim your voice, tell your story, and embrace the indisputable value of your life experience and creative self-expression.” 

“Writing at its best helps us connect to each other and feel less isolated in our individual lives.” (I love this!)

“If you are waiting for someone else to offer you time to write, you may be waiting a long time. Taking time for yourself is not selfish. It is self-honoring. You are worthy of your own time to connect to your voice, express yourself, and process your world through writing.” (I love that term — “self-honoring.”)

“… the success of a regular writing practice is less about how much writing you get done, and more about how you approach your commitment to writing.”

“Writing is a process that takes time and effort. It is important to find moments to acknowledge yourself and celebrate your effort. You can celebrate making time for self-expression when you sit down to write in your journal. You can acknowledge that writing is a form of self-care and a gift you give to yourself. Recognizing your hard work and your commitment may sound easy. But, for many women, it is outside their comfort zone.”

And perhaps my favorite section of the book, something I will return to over and over, are Ms. Finn’s “Ten Truths You Need to Know about Yourself as a Writer.”

A question for my writer-friends — Do you enjoy reading craft books? What was the last writing-related book you read? Please share!

Please note: I am including a link to buy the book that I’m highlighting this week. If you use my link, I do make a small commission on your purchase at no additional cost to you. I am working with Bookshop.org which also sends a portion of the profit to support local, independent bookstores.

Trying to Learn to Appreciate My Body

Posted on by Wendy Kennar

You may remember that I regularly complete five-minute writing exercises. (In case you don’t remember, you can read about it in this post.)

Recently, I pulled a random card from Rupi Kaur’s Writing Prompts. Here’s the prompt: “How can you be more appreciative of all your body is doing to keep you alive?”

It’s a powerful prompt, because, at least for me, I’m generally thinking about what my body can no longer do, and what has become increasingly difficult for my body to do, and all the ways my body has changed, and all the ways I’m not pleased with my body in its current state. 

But, stopping to appreciate the work my body does 24/7 to keep me alive? 

It had never even occurred to me before.

Maybe you need this reminder as much as I did — and still do.

This makes me think back to late December, when I was terribly sick with the flu. (I wrote about it here.)

I cried in bed, absolutely terrified that my body wasn’t strong enough to “fight” or “work through” the flu. (Both terms doctors used during Telehealth appointments.) I imagined being one of those outlier cases — someone who is hospitalized and gravely ill from the “simple” flu. I had failed to take care of my body, and now my body was failing me (even more than I felt it usually did on a regular basis).

In bed, unable to eat for several days, I realized I had been pushing myself way too hard. I wasn’t taking care of myself beyond doing the bare minimum. 

Since then, I have tried to get to bed earlier. I have tried to give myself time to do something that isn’t a chore or on a deadline or isn’t anything anyone else is expecting from me. 

Yet, I don’t do these things on a daily basis.

And if you ask me if I am appreciative of all my body does to keep me alive? I would have to say No, no I’m not.

So, what can I do to be more appreciative of all my body does to keep me alive?

For one, I can stop the negative self-talk. I would never speak to my husband or son or closest friends the way I speak to myself.

If I’m stopping that action, I can start another — I can say one complimentary thing about my body each day. And not something like “Those earrings look really pretty on me today,” but something more like, “my hands are strong enough to hang birthday decorations around the house.”

That’s what I’m working on.

How about you, my dear readers? “How can you be more appreciative of all your body is doing to keep you alive?” If you feel comfortable, please let me know in the comments.

Please note: I am including a link to buy the box of writing prompts that I mention in this post. If you use my link, I do make a small commission on your purchase at no additional cost to you. I am working with Bookshop.org which also sends a portion of the profit to support local, independent bookstores.


Family, Faith, and Fear

Posted on by Wendy Kennar
Image Credit: OnBeingJewishNow.Substack.com

My blog readers know that each week I write about one of three Bs in my life — Books, Boys, and Bodies.

Books because a writer is also a reader, and I love having the opportunity to highlight an author and their book.

Boys because I’m the mother of a son. (I’m also a former teacher and sometimes write about my students.)

Bodies because I am chronically ill and live with an invisible disability.

This week, the topic of my blog post is publication news. But not just any publication news. Publication news about something I don’t write about much — my religion.

However, I’m proud to share that my personal essay, “Family, Faith, Fear: Navigating the world as a mixed family,” has recently been published on the On Being Jewish Now Substack.

I’m proud of this piece. And I’m proud of being brave enough to write about a different aspect of my life and my family’s life. You can read the essay in its entirety by clicking here.

As always my dear readers, I thank you for your support each week.

Magical Meet Cute

Posted on by Wendy Kennar

If you’ve been reading my blog for a while, you know I’m a big Jean Meltzer fan. (If you haven’t been reading my blog for a while, don’t worry. Click here to read my post about Ms. Meltzer’s debut novel, The Matzah Ball. Click here to read my thoughts about her second novel, Mr. Perfect on Paper. And click here to read some of my favorite passages from her third novel, Kissing Kosher.)

And if you have been reading my blog for a while, you also know I don’t usually read books right when they’re published, simply because everyone else is. I like to wait a bit, until the hoopla has settled down. Then, I select the book from the large number of to-be-read-books I currently own. I read the book and post about it here on my blog and on my Instagram. (If you’re not already following me there, why not?)

My system allows me to show the author some love and attention when they’re in-between books and perhaps aren’t being discussed and celebrated like they were immediately upon publication. 

Ms. Meltzer’s fourth novel, Magical Meet Cute (published in August 2024), was not your standard rom-com. The book’s main character is Faiga Kaplan (Faye to her friends), a Jewitch potter living in Woodstock, New York. And while there most definitely is a romance aspect to the story, the book also confronts the ugliness and the reality of blatant anti-Semitism. 

There is so much to say about this book, about Faye and Greg. Allow me to share some of my favorite passages:

“Greg caught on the word. ‘Home.’
“ ‘The place where you belong. The place where people love you.’
“Home felt like Faye.”  (I love this definition of home!)

“Greg didn’t see her broken bits as flaws. If anything, it was the opposite. She was like that one vase in the store she had hidden behind the fancier and more elaborate-looking Seder plate. She saw herself as warped and damaged, undeserving of love and attention. Yet it was all the bubbles in her clay memory, the scratches and scars … that made her unique.”

“And, at the end of the day, none of that making herself smaller mattered. Because nothing about what these people had done to her, chosen for her, was fair. Or right.
“Just like it had never, ever been her fault.
“But she was exhausted from a lifetime of making other people feel comfortable. And suddenly, she was done. Straight-up finished with all these less than deserving people arriving to her shoreline. Damn the silence. Damn the consequences. She was ready to live her life without constantly interrupting herself to say that she was sorry.”

“She gave others what she had always needed from them — love and affection, security and protection, a place to land when things got bad — while never demanding the same for herself.”

“We can hold on to memory, bear the things that shape us, but also … write our own story going forward.”

“ ‘You want the truth about settling down, Greg?’ Tom asked. ‘About spending the rest of your life with one woman, raising a family … about giving up the adventure sometimes, just for a quiet boredom?’ “
“ ‘Yeah.’
“ ‘It’s awesome,’ Tom said.
“Greg laughed.
“ ‘I’m serious,’ Tom said, his whole face turning red as he spoke. ‘Every single day, I wake up and go to bed with my best friend in the world. When i’m having a hard day — shit, when I needed neck surgery — she’s there for me. When I’m having a good day, when I want to watch a game or a movie on Netflix with the kids, there’s no one I would rather spend time with more than her. It’s not just that she busts my chops, or has fun with me, or makes me better … it’s that I can’t imagine how there was ever a me without her’.” 

“It was the most remarkable type of magic — falling in love, finding your person, crafting your own life, writing a story where you deserved to be valued.”

FYI – Ms. Meltzer’s fifth novel, The Eight Heartbreaks of Hanukkah, will be available on October 21st. You can pre-order a signed copy now.  

Please note: I am including a link to buy the book that I’m highlighting this week. If you use my link, I do make a small commission on your purchase at no additional cost to you. I am working with Bookshop.org which also sends a portion of the profit to support local, independent bookstores.



I Believe

Posted on by Wendy Kennar
My reusable coffee tumbler is decorated with stickers designed by Katherine Center.

I am in the middle of a three-month online program called The Creative Shift Mastermind with Dan Blank. (I have taken several webinars with Dan and always come away having learned something new to apply to my writing and how I share my writing.)

Each week throughout The Mastermind, we focus on a different aspect of our creative life. Recently, our activities centered on our “Creative Identity.” 

Taken from our syllabus:

“Define Your Creative Identity. Have confidence in your creative identity, and know how to talk about what you create and why. The result of this is your ability to share more frequently and authentically, and greater ability to engage others.” 

During one of my daily five-minute writing exercises, I wrote a series of “I believe…” statements that all had something to do with what I write, why I write, and why I share what I write. 

My dear readers, you are an important part of my writing. Therefore, for this week’s blog post, I would like to share my “I believe” statements with you. Thank you for your support and being with me on my writing journey.

I believe… (as it pertains to my writing):

I believe everyone is walking around with pain of some sort.

I believe everyone has scars, whether we can see them or not.

I believe writing is another way of teaching.

I believe writing is one way to help make the invisible visible.

I believe chronic illness can be lonely and isolating.

I believe writing is one way to find connection with others who “get it.”

I believe writing is a way to share our stories and our hearts and realize that we’re not alone.

I believe my story is worthy of sharing.

I believe I continue to teach through my writing.

I believe I have much to learn and writing helps me make sense of things.

I believe one way I sort things out, one way I figure out how I feel about things is by writing about it.

I believe my book is a book I would have loved to read when I first became ill.

I believe I don’t talk about my writing enough.

I believe kindness and compassion and patience are so very important.

I believe I have always been a writer.

I believe I will always be a writer.

Your True Self Is Enough

Posted on by Wendy Kennar

I met author Susanna Peace Lovell at the 2024 Culver City Book Festival. We chatted — about her book and my teaching years. I was curious about her memoir and her experiences in the Los Angeles Unified School District as the parent of a child with Autism. 

During my twelve-year teaching career, I taught several students with Autism. If you don’t know much about Autism, this is what you should know — there is a wide-range of Autism Spectrum Disorders. Each child’s experiences living with Autism may be different. 

Ms. Lovell’s memoir Your True Self Is Enough: Lessons Learned on My Journey Parenting a Child with Autism is the book I wish I had read while I was still teaching. Simply because as a teacher, I was only given snapshots into the experiences of my students and their families. I didn’t always know what their educational journey had been like before they reached my classroom. (This is true for all my students and not just those living with Autism.) 

Your True Self Is Enough is honest and thought-provoking, and I imagine it is a comfort and useful resource for families who may be experiencing some of the same situations Ms. Lovell and her daughter A. experienced. 

Furthermore, you don’t have to be the parent of a child with Autism to read this book. You don’t have to be a teacher (or former teacher) to read this book. Because this memoir does what books are meant to do — provide comfort and insight, show us our shared humanity, and shine a light on a situation a reader may not have firsthand knowledge of. 

While I love the title, my favorite part of the whole book is the Forward. The Forward is a list of advice A. wanted to share with readers of this book. This list is powerful because it applies to everyone. 

So many parts of this book touched me. Because at its core, this memoir is the story of a parent who wants the best for their child. This is the story of a parent who doesn’t have all the answers (because no parent does). And, even if you’re not a parent and don’t work with children, this book is important to read. Because reading about other people’s lives helps readers develop empathy and compassion — two traits that are absolutely essential in our world. 

Here are a few of the passages that stood out to me:

“I tried to remind myself to keep my intention to enjoy all of my life — even the imperfections and hard parts. I knew that in some ways this might be the end of the world as I knew it, and I wanted to be ready to face that change with joy and peace. I wanted my journey with A. to be one where my ears and eyes would remain open and I would stay present. I knew that too often I was just focused on the future, and then I would have intense regret for not living in the moment.”  

“I was so fed up and frustrated, but I also felt guilty for feeling that way. I didn’t want to sound like a broken record, complaining and depressed all the time. I wanted to focus more on the positive things in my life. I wanted to relish all of my blessings.”

“It’s such a spiritual lesson for all of us: we all need to get to know and understand our whole selves before we can embark on meaningful relationships with others. But when our babies are little, we have to steer that ship for them, and make sure we are providing them with the time and space they need to learn about themselves. We have to make sure that, whatever their schooling path is, they are being honored and encouraged to find out who they truly are.”

“And finally, something clicked for me. The sky really was the limit for both of us as long as we could accept and love ourselves. I thought about all the years I’d spent trying to fix everything. Trying to fix A. Trying to fix myself. As I watched A. play with her doll, I realized that neither of us needed to be fixed. We were both whole and complete individuals, both on our own journeys in this life.”

Please note: I am including a link to buy the book that I’m highlighting this week. If you use my link, I do make a small commission on your purchase at no additional cost to you. I am working with Bookshop.org which also sends a portion of the profit to support local, independent bookstores.

March

Posted on by Wendy Kennar
(Me on my 17th Birthday. This year I'll be celebrating my 49th Birthday.)

I always focus my blog posts on one of the three big B’s in my life: Books, Boys, and Bodies. (Books – because I’m a reader and a writer. Boys – because I’m the mother of a son and a former elementary school teacher. Bodies – because I live with an invisible disability.) 

This week’s post is slightly different. Because I realized those big B’s in my life, those central ideas that are so important to who I am and what I do and how I go about my days, can actually all be represented with an M — the month of March.

You could almost summarize my life just by taking a look at our current month. 

Let me explain.

March is the month of birthdays — my mom’s and my son’s (on the same day!) and mine.

It’s the month of anniversaries — my parents’ wedding anniversary, the anniversary of my first date with my husband as well as the anniversary of my last day of teaching (both of these life-changing events happened on the same date, just 16 years apart!)

It’s the month of special days — including Read Across America and the First Day of Spring.

It’s the month of important days — International Women’s Day and César Chávez Day.

It’s the month of awareness — Women’s History Month and Autoimmune Disease Awareness Month.

Of course I know I am more than the sum of these days. The first day I became a mother, the last day I worked as a teacher. 

But it’s quite a coincidence to have all these days happen within one particular month. 

And each year, I find I am becoming increasingly reflective, more emotional, and more surprised by how these days touch me. 

Dear Readers, do any of you have a month that means to you what March means to me? If you’re comfortable sharing, I’d love to know.

Something Better

Posted on by Wendy Kennar

I don’t remember exactly how I “found” author Joanna Monahan on Instagram. I do know it had something to do with Cyndi Lauper.

I won Ms. Monahan’s novel, Something Better, through a giveaway she hosted on Instagram and recently finished reading it.

What an impressive debut! 

I quickly became immersed in the story, eager to read, to find out what happened next in Corinne Fuller’s life. 

This week I share just a few of the passages that I marked with my yellow highlighter and sticky notes:

“Back then, we’d hand-washed our two place settings nightly, examining the deepest parts of our lives over a sink of hot water and a drying rack, reveling in the newfound intimacy between two people sharing one life.” (I just think that’s lovely.)

“It’s one of the reasons I liked taking pictures. Capturing a moment, freezing time. Keeping memories safe.”

“ ‘But you can love the good and forgive the bad. We all have some hero and some villain in us.’ She smoothed my hair back and took my face in her hands, looking into my eyes, our noses almost touching. ‘It’s our choices that determine which part people see.”

“It occurred to me that there was luxury in having someone in your life who knew how you took your coffee.”

“A black and white photo, Sean and me in silhouette against the stained-glass windows of the Victorian house where we’d held our ceremony and reception. In the foreground, the wedding cake, three-tiered, traditional. We stood behind it, kissing, a life-size replica of the little plastic figures on top of the cake. Sean in his black suit and black tie, me in the tea-length white taffeta dress that I’d found at a church basement sale, my hair pulled back into a high ponytail. We took my breath away. We were so young, so hopeful, so ignorant about what would come next. All our promises made in perfect faith, positive that nothing could ever come between us. That every day would be our best. That together, we were better, stronger than life’s challenges.”

“But heroes weren’t people who appeared out of nowhere. Heroes were the ones that were there every day.”

“It was only a moment, but that was how a lifetime started, wasn’t it? Stringing moments together, until they formed a chain, a life to be looked back upon and remembered. Good moments, bad moments, and all the medium moments in between that make up a marriage.” 

Please note: I am including a link to buy the book that I’m highlighting this week. If you use my link, I do make a small commission on your purchase at no additional cost to you. I am working with Bookshop.org which also sends a portion of the profit to support local, independent bookstores.

5 Things I Still Haven’t Learned

Posted on by Wendy Kennar

A few things you should know:

1.  I became ill in July 2010.
2.  I received my diagnosis in November 2011. (This is considered relatively fast when it comes to autoimmune diseases.)

3.  Certain things don’t get easier the longer you live with a chronic illness. 

It’s the third statement that was the inspiration for my recently published “listicle” —  5 Things I Still Haven’t Learned That Are Amplified by My Chronic Illness.

To read the piece in its entirety, click here to be re-directed to Knee Brace Press.

Friends, do any of you relate? Would you add anything to the list? Let me know in the comments.