The Rom-Commers

The Rom-Commers

Posted on by Wendy Kennar

I’m a Katherine Center fan.

From her bio, on the back flap of her most recent novel, The Rom-Commers:  “Katherine writes ‘deep rom-coms’ — laugh-and-cry books about how life knocks us down, and how we get back up.”

The Rom-Commers is certainly a “deep rom-com.” I would describe it as a romantic-comedy-plus; it’s a story that makes you smile and bite your lip and think tenderly of your parents and your favorite romantic comedy movies. And, it was a pure delight. 

And, as a bonus, the book is pretty, “featuring beautiful spray-painted edges with vibrant designed endpapers.” 

Here are a few of my favorite lines:

“You had to maximize joy when it fluttered into your life. You had to honor it. And savor it.”

“A rom-com should give you a swoony, hopeful, delicious, rising feeling of anticipation as you look forward to the moment when the two leads, who are clearly mad for each other, finally overcome all their obstacles, both internal and external, and get together.”

“ ‘A great rom-com,’ I said, ‘is just like sex. If you’re surprised by the ending, somebody wasn’t doing their job. We all know where it’s headed. The fun is how we get there.’ ”

“I had a theory that we gravitate toward the stories we need in life. Whatever we’re longing for — adventure, excitement, emotion, connection — we turn to stories that help us find it. Whatever questions we’re struggling with — sometimes questions so deep, we don’t even really know we’re asking them — we look for answers in stories.”

“Donna Cole, whose most famous wise quote — ‘The most vital thing you can learn to do is tell your own story’ — was the centerpiece of my vision board back home.”  (What a phenomenal quote!)

“There’s something about a kiss that brings all the opposites together. The wanting and the getting. The longing and the having. All those cacophonous emotions that usually collide against one another teaming up at last into a rare and exquisite harmony.”

“The kiss lit a warmth that spread though me like honey, softening everything tense, and soothing everything hurt, and enveloping everything lonely.”

“ ‘Whatever story you tell yourself about your life, that’s the one that’ll be true.’
“I lifted my head to give that idea my full attention.
“My dad went on, ‘So if I say, ‘This terrible thing happened, and it ruined my life’ — then that’s true. But if I say, ‘This terrible thing happened, but, as crazy as it sounds, it made me better,’ then that’s what’s true.’ “

“Humanity at its worst is an easy story to tell — but it’s not the only story. Because the more we can imagine our better selves, the more we can become them.”  

“ All I remember for certain was the feeling of my heart unfolding to its full wingspan in my chest, like a bird that had decided to stretch out wide at last and absolutely soar.
“Was this a happy ending?
“Of course. And also only a beginning. In the way that beginnings and endings are always kind of the same thing.
“I had no idea where we’d go from here, or how we’d manage it all, or where the future would take us. But it was okay. We don’t get to know the whole story all at once. And where we’re headed matters so much less than how we get there.”

“But what does okay even mean? Life is always full of worries and struggles, losses and disappointments, late-night googling of bizarre symptoms — all tumbling endlessly over one another like clothes in the dryer. It’s not like any of us ever gets to a place where we’ve solved everything forever and we never have another problem.
“That’s not how life works.
“But that’s not what a happily ever after is, anyway.
“Poor happy endings. They’re so aggressively misunderstood. We act like ‘and they lived happily ever after’ is trying to con us into thinking that nothing bad ever happened to anyone ever again.
“But that’s never the way I read those words. I read them as ‘and they built a life together, and looked after each other, and made the absolute best of their lives.’ 
“That’s possible, right?
“That’s not ridiculous.
“Tragedy is a given. There is no version of human life that doesn’t involve reams of it.
“The question is what we do in the face of it all.”

“ ‘Because love is something you can learn. Love is something you can practice. It’s something you can choose to get good at. And here’s how you do it.’ He let go of his walker to signal he meant business: ‘Appreciate your person.’ ”

“He went on: ‘Choose a good, imperfect person who leaves the cap off the toothpaste, and puts the toilet paper roll on upside down, and loads the dishwasher like a ferret on steroids — and then appreciate the hell out of that person. Train yourself to see their best, most delightful, most charming qualities. Focus on everything they’re getting right. Be grateful — all the time — and laugh the rest off.’ “

“Tragedy really is a given.
“There are endless human stories, but they all end the same way.
“So it can’t be where you’re going that matters. It has to be how you get there.
“That’s what I’ve decided.
“It’s all about the details you notice. And the joys you savor. And the hope you refuse to give up on.
“It’s all about writing the very best story of your life.
“Not just how you live it — but how you choose to tell it.”

Please note: I am including a link to buy the book that I’m highlighting this week. If you use my link, I do make a small commission on your purchase at no additional cost to you. I am working with Bookshop.org which also sends a portion of the profit to support local, independent bookstores.

I Gave Myself a Time-Out

Posted on by Wendy Kennar

Why am I smiling? Because I'm proud of myself. Giving myself a break was, is, a big deal.

For some reason, this week’s blog post felt hard to write. I think it’s because there’s so much going on — within our home, within our family, within our world. And sometimes, it just feels like a lot. Like too much, actually. Like I really wouldn’t mind if we could somehow press pause on the day, and I could just have a day to try and catch up. Catch up on emails and podcasts and magazines. Catch up on sleep and watching laugh-out-loud movies. 

Of course, life doesn’t work that way. 

But last week, I did do something that was my version of a brief pause. A kind of time-out.

Last Wednesday morning, I went to physical therapy. The session went well, and my physical therapist was pleased with my progress. When it comes to walking on the treadmill, both my speed and my stamina have increased over the months we’ve worked together. Those improvements don’t necessarily transfer into less pain; however, those improvements do mean my legs, especially my left leg, is “strong enough.” Because the week before physical therapy, while I went for one of my neighborhood walks before my son’s dismissal from school, I had an “incident.” I was in the middle of walking around the block, when a sudden pain shot through my left leg. It was the type of pain that made me stop and look around, searching for something I could lean on. The type of pain that brought tears to my eyes. I paused for a couple of minutes, but then what else could I do but continue walking? I had to get back to the car. And I did. (I also had really bad pain the rest of the day.) It was super scary, honestly. When I told my physical therapist what had happened, he of course had no magic solutions to offer. But he did tell me that my body is strong; I’ve been doing the work. And even though the pain felt awful, even though I limped the rest of the walk back to the car, I got to where I needed to be. My body, my legs, are strong enough to do what I need them to do.

But, my body is also tired. And sensitive. And worn-out. 

So Wednesday afternoon, after physical therapy, I did something I don’t usually do. I didn’t come right home so I could get back to work on getting things done on my to-do list. I had a post to work on for MomsLA.com, greeting cards to write out, gifts to wrap, bills to pay.

But instead of coming home, I took myself to our neighborhood cafe. I ordered a cafe mocha, sat at a table that was neither in the shade nor in the sun, and I read two chapters of my novel. (By the way, reading Katherine Center’s The Rom-Commers and really enjoying it!)

It might not seem like a lot to some people, but for me it was. It was me taking time for myself. Doing something because I wanted to do it. Not because I felt I should. Or because it had to get done. But because I wanted to do something purely for the pleasure it brought me. 

And I’m so glad I did!

How about you, dear readers? What was something you did recently just for you? Feel free to share in the comments. 

Please note: I am including a link to buy the book that I’m highlighting this week. If you use my link, I do make a small commission on your purchase at no additional cost to you. I am working with Bookshop.org which also sends a portion of the profit to support local, independent bookstores.