“I had spent close to two hours, sitting outside at my favorite coffee shop, writing. It was my idea of a perfect morning. As I walked the block-and-a-half to my car, I had a nagging feeling I had forgotten something. I paused on the sidewalk and checked my bag. Keys, glasses, wallet, laptop, file of papers. Everything was there, but still I felt something was missing. I took a few more steps, and abruptly stopped on the sidewalk.
I knew what it was.
Pain was missing.
I wasn’t hurting.
It was a jarring feeling. The absence of pain. But instead of feeling euphoric, I felt intensely sad.
I walked to the car in shock.
This is what it feels like not to be in pain. This is how other people usually feel. This is how I used to feel.
I had forgotten what it felt like not to be in pain.”
The passage above is taken from my recently published personal essay, A Painful Reminder. By clicking here, you can read the entire essay online in issue 81 of Kaleidoscope: A Season of Hope.
4 thoughts on “A Painful Reminder”
Your description is so stunning! And so poignant…. While your experience sounds horrific, your ability to describe what you are dealing with is poetic. How I wish I had a magic wand to wave away the pain, but in the absence of a solution, your ability–and your passion–for reporting what you are experiencing are amazing. Thanks so much for sharing…
Oh Zhita, Thank you so much! Your words mean so much to me! You’re right – we can’t make this pain magically disappear, but the opportunity to share and connect with others is magical in itself!
Thanks so much for your lovely response to my message. Really makes me feel connected to you!
The love your family shares will see you through these and all the other challenging times of your lives.
Just keep loving…
Thank you, again, Zhita. You’re right – I’m very lucky to have such a loving and supportive family – and friends like you!